Piano memories

Instead of running or weightlifting while Anne is in seminary, I practiced the piano this morning instead. Erica Burt, a young woman at church asked me to play Sleigh Ride as a duet with her at the Relief Society Christmas party and accompany her when she and also the young women sang. I had been thinking about how much I was missing singing in a choir and musical groups, only to be asked to do this and sing a duet in sacrament meeting just a few days after. The piano duet is challenging and I have been practicing a lot. This morning, it started to be easy and so I am confident that by Thursday I will not embarrass my self or my partner.

Being able to play the piano has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. I remember playing on the piano as a preschooler wishing I knew how to play real songs. When we moved to Lethbridge, Julie, Janice and I took lessons from a Mrs. Baines, a very old, immobile, but pleasant lady. I never minded practicing, that I can remember, but I was annoyed at the simpleness of the music. "Here we go up the hill to a birthday party" will be forever in my mind. When we moved to Scandia there was not teacher and lessons stopped until the schools in Bow City, Rainer and Scandia were centralized and I went to Rainer. Before that Scandia, Jenny Lind, had been a four room school with grades 1-12.

Arthur Belcher, a piano teacher, was going to give lessons during school in the old Quonset next to the school. Anyone who wanted would have 30 minute lessons during the school day. Mr Belchur drove from Calgary to Rainier and other schools in the County of Newell. Snow storms never stopped him and for $8.00 a month I had lessons until I got too busy to practice in high school. He was short, with grey hair dyed red and chain smoked through the lessons. He had been a concert pianist and now had dedicated his life to teaching farm students to play any instrument that they wanted - mandolin, violin, guitar. He could play jazz, Chopin and what I especially liked was that he taught me how to chord with popular songs that he printed out. Along with the classical pieces, these were fun and, even when they were simple, made me feel like I was a great pianist.

I practiced about four days a week and soon learned to play hymns and primary songs. I was called as the chorister in Sacrament meeting when I was 10, Janice was the organist and as the primary pianist when I was 11. I loved playing and many hours were spent in Mom and Dad's bedroom where the piano was. Mr Belchur thought I was wonderfully talented and was so encouraging, kind of embarrassing me with praise at recitals. Alas, practicing scales and paying attention to the detail of getting every note right, was not my forte and I have always felt that my potential was not realized.

Now it is Christmas and I am looking forward to playing for our Christmas Carolling party. I sort of feel like this event is selfish because I don't think anyone enjoys singing as much as I enjoy playing. I do so love it. One of the fears of my life is that I will get arthritis in my hands and won't be able to play. I would so love to be like Elsa Myers, still playing in Relief Society in her 90'sa. Perhaps by then, Alice,Elise, Ella or Dotty will also be able to entertain me. Then again it might be a rockstart Audry. She is getting an early start in this picture.

Dream Girls

I couldn't resist posting these pictures of Elise, Sam's daughter. When Elise comes to visit she loves to watch videos where there is singing and dancing. She loved the CATS DVD and she also loves Dream Girls. Here she is being a Dream Girl. It makes me remember what it was like to be so completely in the pretend world and really feeling it. When I was her age I was obsessed with being a ballet dancer and and would dance around with plastic glasses on my feet. They made me feel like I was dancing on my toes and a beautiful graceful ballerina. I so wanted a tutu. I was also fascinated with being grown up, not surprising for the youngest child. Make-up was a must. My grandmother thought I was very spoiled when my mother let me wear bright red lipstick and ear rings to church when I was four. I hope Elise never forgets this wonderful feeling of truly being what you "dream".

Holidays and Balance

This week we went to a meeting of a bunch of church members about a vacation opportunity. It is actually a great idea that several of the couples have. In short it is this. 20 or so couples all each put in $200,000.00 to buy 5 high end vacation properties in places like Las Vegas, Florida, Hawaii, California and then share the upkeep cost which would be about $500 a month and have the opportunity of 12 weeks vacation a year in the fanciest resorts possible. They all seemed to be in hot, beach places. A very reasonable idea but we realized that of all the types of vacations that exist, that kind is the least interesting to us. Being in a high consumerism, hot and beach type vacation is not what we enjoy. I like adventure, exercise, learning, exploring and family. Holidays are supposed to create balance in our lives. It got me really thinking about holidays and assessing this summer and its holidays.

This year we are having so many holidays. It has somehow just happened, but has also been fueled by my obsession for fun and balance to my perception that I always work. For me it started in June with a two week visit from Erin and her three kids. We had two weeks of intensive kid oriented fun i.e. swimming, hikes, zoo, Heritage Park, parties etc. So wonderful and great!! We then went to the Shuswap Lake where exhaustion set in and I was forced against my will to spend 2 days doing nothing but preparing a few meals and reading a novel. That was a very hard for me but useful learning. It gave my mind and body the rest it needed to fend off Alzheimer’s for a bit longer. I also had the best ski I have every had. It was super long almost to the point, then down, then up again with a deep water slalom start. I felt strong like I haven’t for years.

The trip to Utah was another marathon of activities – shopping, hiking, hanging out, cooking and of course the drive there and back. Every time I drive through Idaho and Montana through those beautiful prairies hills I long for my youth, horses and long rides. So, on the August long week-end I organized an overnight camping trip with a ride included. It was great. We tented at Buffalo Plains Campground. It was an oasis of a few trees in the middle of the prairie by Fort Macleod. We got their early, cooked on a camp stove, read our books and sat around a campfire. Of course we slept on the ground which is the least fun thing. Yoga in the sunshine, scripture and pancakes and real bacon topped off the morning. After an interesting morning at “Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump” to feed our brains with historical info we picnicked in the Old Man River bottom campground. Our ride at a ranch, nestled in its own valley west of Claresholm began at 2:00. The horses were great – real ones with personalities and get up and go. Our guide was an honest to goodness cowboy and outfitter. He suggested with gallop and told us great stories along the way. After two hours we were sufficiently crippled and left tired and super happy. After a Chinese supper at Ken’s Restaurant in Nanton we drove home, excited for our bath tub, beds and TV.

This week feels like a holiday of sorts as Anne is away at EFY. We are trying out the empty nest and finding it quite pleasant. We still have three holidays to go. Next week-end Andy and I are having a getaway in Waterton at Kilmory Lodge, for our anniversary. We plan on going to the temple, hiking and hanging out. On the Labour Day week-end we will go out to the cabin again to put in windows and new Tyvek covering. Then it will be to New York and Jack’s baptism. Blest we are. Balanced I am not so sure.

I am ORANGE and a Motivator

I have finally got around to having my personality “colours” done using the “Discovery” tool from Insights. There is a lot of buzz about this particular instrument in organizations and I felt a bit pressured to learn what “colour” I was. I often get asked by clients and training participants. It is based on Jung like Meyers Briggs. In spite of a bit of a difficult time in doing the inventory and feeling like I didn’t answer consistently, my profile said exactly the same thing that others have. In relation to Jung I am still a strong extravert, absolutely split on thinking and feeling and also high in intuition over sensing. Apparently Meyers Briggs added the Judging Perceiving and since it was not in Jung’s original theory it is not used in this particular instrument.

I got exactly the profile that I expected and predicted. I am orange and my type is called a Motivator. The first paragraph of the two and half page description of me give you an sense of the accuracy. “Eager to add to her knowledge, Esther is passionate about researching significant new subjects that capture her interest. Hard work, busy schedules and merit based remuneration are hallmarks of the way Esther prefers to work. Fatigue and pressure from over-commitment may trigger stressful reactions in her. Often her enthusiasm and drive makes her overwork.” Man, I can’t blame anyone but myself. As Beth Stringham once said to me after I was trying to justify not getting something done because I was so busy, just then. “Esther that is just how you are, you are always too busy’.

“Esther has a real zest for living and enjoys company. Writing important facts or steps down on paper helps her keep from getting side-tracked, but she may lack the discipline necessary discipline to do this well.” Hello – time management workshop..... I know it works I just don’t do it all the time.

“She prefers to deal with a variety of situations, people and events, all at the same time. She may find it hard to prepare as thoroughly as she should.” Heh and all of my children benefited from early instruction on how to prepare talks for primary during sacrament meeting. Is this so bad --- yes we all know it is often not a great way to be.

Some other insightful comments.... “She does not appreciate critical comments about her personal qualities as she sees these comments as personal attacks on her integrity.” True unfortunately. Accepting criticism is something that has been a challenge to learn from because of this emotional component. I hope I am getting better at it after a lifetime of teaching paraphrasing, perception checking and how to give and receive feedback using the Awareness Wheel. A career filled with constant evaluation sheets after every workshop should have helped too.

“She is noted for her innate ability to inspire and encourage others around her and exhibits excellent interpersonal skills.” Oh my gosh, this makes me think of the “school spirit” speeches I had to make too many times in assemblies in high school. I hated doing those speeches – besides the fact that they just weren’t cool. I was in the “drama group”. I also never felt like I was very good at it – i.e. did anyone every come just because of my speech????? I don’t think so. I got asked to do it so often I think because I was just so enthusiastic myself about every sport event and school activity. When I was “Stony” house leader in intramurals, our house won the Participation Award Trophy because we had the most people participating in events. That’s because every day at lunch I would go and drag people to play badminton, basketball, bridge, tiddlywonks (gym sized playing of tiddlywinks) etc. Intramurals were huge in our school – we had tons of big trophies for them. I also won the Individual Participant Award because I was in the most activities myself. Imagine that. Of the 250 people in the school I was the most enthusiastic participator. Oh my goodness, it makes me tired to think of it. Lately I was reminded how much I loved talking in church about the Church city wide food drive – getting people fired up, and how much I hated actually organizing and doing the work.

“She may sometimes experience a loss of enthusiasm and energy and also may become uncharacteristically pensive under stress.” No kidding, that is my life in the last year or two. “

A born entrepreneur, she is alert to all the possibilities and is fascinated by new ideas.” That’s how I got involved with Marilyn Herasymowych – such interesting ideas. That is also why I advertise so many services on my website – so many things are possibilities.

“She shows strong initiative and operates through creative impulses. She may constantly test the limits of a situation and she considers that most rules and regulations are there to be bent if not broken.” Read this as “she likes to do what she likes to do and what she has thought of and doesn’t like to be told what to do.” This summer our bishop, the sweetest man ever, challenged us all to read the Book of Mormon in 85 days – the amount of time that it took Joseph Smith to translate it as a 25 year old uneducated man. I really felt rebellious about it and refused to get started for two weeks. Then I decided that I would burn through it and read not 6 pages a day (what was suggested) but 20 so that I could get it done and over with. As a result of this reluctant obedience I don’t expect any personal miracles – I am bending the rules to much, but I can say I’m doing it. So characteristic.

“Esther is logical and analytical, an ingenious thinker and long-range planner, and good at anything that requires rapid reasoning. Routine, detail and close supervision are anathema to her. She wants to make an impact and accomplish something in life that she will long be remembered by. She may fear failure lack of responsibility and failure.” What can I say about that – its all true – unfortunate, dysfunctional and constraining but very much the internal me.


“Esther’s accomplishments are achieved mainly through determinations and perseverance in reaching or exceeding her high standards.” My Dad once said about me – ‘Esther is not more talented than the other kids (boy, that is true) but she is stupid enough to try anything.’ Unfortunately also true.

“Internally motivated to achieve, Esther is a hard worker, who whilst being prepared to listen to, and be aware of others, will invariably go it alone if all else fails.” The next time I whine about having to do things myself, somebody remind me that it is my choice.

Anyhow, now you know why my wedding colours were orange, it is still my favourite colour and the background to this blog is orange. I am Orange.

Pushing Myself

I am obsessed this summer with exercise. When we came back from a holiday in Utah and Shuswap Lake, I just really wanted to keep playing and playing for me is about sports – anything athletic. I was pretty depressed at first because, Anne is no longer interested in going swimming, in line skating, riding bicycles and so I was left to do things on my own. Now I am just all about getting fit so I am doing a bunch of things to fun. I swim a couple of times a week managing between 20 and 30 lengths, 1/3 are breaststroke the rest crawl. I ride down to Kensington to meet my husband and then ride back with him about 3 times a week. It takes about 35 minutes to get there and 45 time ride back to Dalhousie. I lift weights and will be adding some ball exercises. I try to do my yoga stuff about twice a week and I run on the hill at least once or twice a week.

My problem with it all is I never feel like it get really good at any of it – you know, really fit. It could be that I am 56 years old, not consistent enough, don’t really have good technique at anything or what I really believe - I am not pushing myself enough. How do you tell? Weight watchers uses sweat as a barometer. If you sweat within a certain amount of time it’s worth a certain amount of points. That’s crazy. Sometimes walking can make you sweat if it’s hot and I never sweat when I am swimming. The skipping book said that if you get nauseated then you have pushed yourself too hard. I sometimes stop and do the heart rate thing but finding my heart beat is hard when you are puffing.

How hard I work seems to vary with the activity. I know I can really work hard on a tread mill and when I am climbing a hill on a bike – really sweat, puff, get weak.... I can’t ever seem to make myself winded when I swim – maybe it’s the drowning thing and the convenient end of the pool to stop and rest. I can only tell if I have worked hard weightlifting the next day – did I get really stiff or not? I don’t think I know how to work hard doing yoga.

Anyhow this all begs the larger question about the whole self assessment thing. It doesn’t seem like it would ever be valid. Just yesterday I was thinking about this pushing myself thing and running. I had done pretty well – gone farther than usual around the hill and only walked twice briefly. I wanted to finish the distance – you know run up the last very long hill. I was sweating and not really weak but then I realized that I was starting to feel nauseated – a sure sign. I stopped and took my heart rate and it was 165. Well I guess I had pushed myself since my maximum is supposed to be 144. I should have known, but actually I had not idea. Before the nausea I just felt lazy.

Anyhow, so if I can’t even tell about whether I am pushing myself running up a hill. How can I ever self assess anything accurately, for example, whether I am truly working hard in my consulting business? I am signing up for a new doctorate program that requires a lot of self evaluation. That really worries me. Will I be too hard or too arrogant and lenient? Perhaps the most important question is, how can I judge my own personal righteousness and determine whether I am ready or will ever be able to stand before the Lord and report with any degree of confidence that I did all I could do. I can’t help thinking, like my current fitness level, my effort is really paltry. It’s a good thing that in relation to personal righteousness, Christ makes up the difference because I know that I will be as pathetic assessing my whole life as I am at calibrating my personal sweat index.

General Conference

Last week-end was general conference and we were able to sit and watch every session. It was amazing and inspiring. The most moving and spiritual talk for me was Sister Tanners. Here is the conclusion to her talk. She expresses so well my feelings and testimony.
"I delight in the Lord’s mercies and miracles (see “Bless Our Fast, We Pray,” Hymns, no. 138). I know that His tender mercies and His miracles, large and small, are real. They come in His way and on His timetable. Sometimes it is not until we have reached our extremity. Jesus’s disciples on the Sea of Galilee had to toil in rowing against a contrary wind all through the night before Jesus finally came to their aid. He did not come until the “fourth watch,” meaning near dawn. Yet He did come. (See Mark 6:45–51.) My testimony is that miracles do come, though sometimes not until the fourth watch.

Right now I am exerting my faith and prayers and watching for miracles in behalf of loved ones who are physically sick, emotionally bereft, and spiritually astray. I delight in the Lord’s love for each of His children and in His wisdom to allow us individually tailored earthly experiences.

Finally, I delight in, more than I can express, the eternal love and constant help of my husband and the prayers and support of my children and parents during these years of my service as Young Women general president.

“My soul delighteth in the things of the Lord” (2 Nephi 4:16)—His law, His life, His love. To delight in Him is to acknowledge His hand in our lives. Our gospel duty is to do what is right and to love and delight in what is right. When we delight to serve Him, our Father in Heaven delights to bless us. “I, the Lord, . . . delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end” (D&C 76:5). I want to be worthy always of His delight. “I love the Lord, in Him my soul delights” (“I Love the Lord,” Jackman Music Corporation). In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

For those of you interested in reading more of this talk and other General Conference addresses go to www.lds.org and follow the link on the first item - General COnference. These can be be viewed on streaming video or downloaded as a document.

Road show memories

Saturday was the road show performance in the West Stake. Apparantly it was the first ones in about 30 years. I was the director for our ward’s production and Andy wrote the script - sort of - the ideas and major structure. There were others who did choregraphy and scripting too. It was really great to not have to worry about getting it all done in a very short time because there were other very responsible and talented people working on it too. We only had 4 rehearsals which is extremely short. Ours won the “most creative” award. Anne said our script reminded her of a group project where people have crazy ideas that they won’t let go of and so have to be included in the script. She was right. We had to include a “living fountain” where statues move and actually spit/spew out streams of water and the bishopric dressed up like a motorcycle gang and riding kids miniature motor bikes. Andy came up with the idea of Family Idol and I had kids improvise comments about immature parent behaviour. Yup – pretty random. We got a lot of laughs – especially the fountain. It made Andy and I remember another road show – 36 years ago where he and I won the best actor and best actress award and he surprised me with a kiss on stage in the final scene of our ward’s production. Who would know that a roadshow could be a life changing event.

I tried to download/upload? an example for you to see but couldn't figure out how to do it. One to give you an idea is CNU TONiGHT's living fountain from gooselaugh 007. We used the same ENYA song and the same togas and pitchers. I used living fountain + cruise to get it.

Crocuses and Poppies

I had a great run this morning and particularly loved seeing all the crocuses in bloom. They have been out for a couple of weeks but are really all over now. That doesn't seem particularly odd today since it is a pleasant though brisk spring day. Yesterday was 22 degrees and crazy hot. What is more amazing is that just last Thursday there was 4 inches of snow on this same hill. The crocuses are unphased by it all. It made me think - which is always good when I am running - why do they come out so early. I immediately thought about them being brave and strong - weathering frost, snow and heat - whatever weather happens. Maybe on the other hand they are just afraid of insects and want to avoid that plague at any cost.

I also thought about my own interest in courage. When I was in Beehives we had what was called Bandlos - a felt banner kind of thing that you wore diagonally over one shoulder across the chest. It had symbols of awards that were won etc. We had to pick a flower that was a metaphor for the virtures that we were aspiring to. I chose the poppy because it symbolizes courage, bravery and strength. I wonder now whether in that choice I set a course for myself or I simply gave words to what already was a defining value. I have included a picture of myself at that age to give some context.

Misty

I found a picture of Misty

Travesty of democracy

Another election in Alberta and another sweep by the PCs. They took two of the 4 ND seats, 7 of the Liberal's 16 and even got the one Wildrose Alliance seat (the crazy right winger from Cardston). I am dismayed, discouraged and disolutioned with the political process. How and why did it happen? There was so much optimism about the need for change and that it was the time. The Liberals were poised for a breakthrough. Dad mostly, but me too, had invested time in helping out our Rhodes Scholar Liberal candidate.

Is it that Albertans really are a bunch of mindless sheep? In spite of the fact that the conservatives have been the authors of everything that is bad in this province, we vote for them anyway? By slashing and burning in the 90's this government has created the infrastructure deficit, the education and health care crisis, the housing shortage with its homelessness and exacerbated the employment issue with uncontrolled economic growth. Still with the thinking that is applied to the issues,they are the teflon government - nothing sticks. Is there no cause and effect thinking here?

Or is it that winning elections is really just about power and money. We are to be sure caught in the "success to the successful" systems archetype. The more you have the more you get. They had millions to spend on the election and they did. The liberals were a million dollars in debt and they couldn't get their story out. We know who will get the donations now. We are caught in the vicious circle and we all feed into it.

Is it about personality? Do we prefer stupid politicians? Stelmach is not like Kline. Kline advertized his lack of education. Stelmach is just steady Eddy, dull boring and can hardly put a sentence together. He is at his best, sweet and good and kind.... and not too bright. Doesn't intimidate anyone with his style. Taft is also dull and boring but brilliant intellectually and it shows. He got cudos from all of the interest groups and political scientists for the well thought out and reasonable platform. The pcs on the other hand did the, "we are going to spend and fix everything, all at once" platform. Do we like politicians who don't threaten our own shakey confidence?

Is it just about smart strategy? Stelmach moved his party to the left and so gave the Liberals and ND nowhere to go. They stole their base. Are the pc's just successful at doing what John Kenneth Galbraith said about good leaders - nothing more than able to voice what is already wanted. There are no fundamental values - just calculated shifts to stay in power. Have they retained power for so long,not be they are good or effective at taking us where we should or could go because they are just so good at giving voice to our own poorly thought out wants?

Is it about us and our need for absolute certainty in an uncertain world? Are we comfortable in this province with a one party system because it eliminates dialogue and conflict and we are conflict aversive? Is it comforting in this world of increasing diversity to be part of a group - a team that all wears the same colour and thinks just the same? I can't help it. I want a new team. We there isn't one and won't be for a long time. We have what we have and we will have it for at least another 4 years. I should be used to it. Its been the same for the last 30!

Any one who wants more info on the election go here and check out Alberta votes. Check out the faces. I couldn't figure out how to add them.

Musings on Winning

It’s a fairly established idea that losing is hard for anyone to take. Setting goals, working hard, putting all you have into something, only to come up short and lose is framed as either character building or soul destroying. Our choice, the motivators of the world say. What do we make of our failures? Examples of famous perseverance are quoted - Diefenbaker who lost 4 elections and eventually became Prime Minister. Keep trying and you too will win. My cynical self wonders how many failures of the world have done then and actually never won. Should have given up at the beginning. The personal experience of losing however is not my concern in this musing. What is, is the meaning of losing to others who watch.

This week-end Anne had 3 playoff basketball games in 24 hours. These rounded out a week of 8 basketball games and practices in 6 days. Friday her school team was playing for the Division championship, have beaten their closest rival by only one point on Wednesday in a nail biter. Friday the same close game was repeated only this time to see them lose in overtime by one point. Anne was not happy with her playing and, had she made her usual number of points, likely the outcome would have been different. She is arguably one of the very best players and plays almost the whole game every game on that team.

On Saturday the losing was repeated as her community first won another close game against a bunch of giants. The final game for them in the afternoon that would have given them the bronze in the A division, saw them blow a 10 point lead and lose by, you guessed it, only a couple of points. Anne’s take on it was - no big deal, they couldn't go to the provincials anyway.

My take on it? These losses came at the end of a very long and difficult week and seemed like a metaphor for my life. Almost winning but not. I had so wanted Anne to win. Winning seemed important, almost life and death at the time. Why? Because it was someone I loved who lost. I think it was not the winning or the losing but the meaning I put on it.

I thought about my own athletic career and remembered my favourite volleyball game ever. It was in the Canadian National Junior championships. We were fortunate to be there. We were ranked 3rd in the province even though our school had only 250 students and had beaten the junior teams from UofC and UofA to get there. We had a hippy for a coach who was a visionary leader but not an athlete. The game I was thinking about was against a team from Montreal. It was so close with long rallies and hard fought points and ... we lost. And, I didn't care. It was a thrill to play so well, so hard and winning didn't matter. I just felt good and that was all it meant. It really was like the cliche, how I played the game and not about winning or losing.

On another note - cudo's to Andrew R and his basketball team. He has taken talented individuals and turned them into a wonderful and winning team. They were great to watch last night as they trounced Winston Churchill.

Random thoughts running

A Calgary spring miracle. Three inches of snow gone by afternoon yesterday so today I was back on the hill. With music loud in my head - drowning out the sound of my breathing there is space for random thinking. Some thoughts I understand and some I don't. Start with the things I don't. I was thinking about horses again - why do I do that so much on the hill. Am I back at age 8 pretending I am a horse. Anyhow thoughts went to the barn and the time I cleaned the horses stalls just for the heck of it. There was almost a foot of straw and manure - gushy and smelly. I worked for several hours with pitchford, shovel and wheel barrel. It was great to find the floor and felt so good to see it. WHere did that thought come from?

Lots of random thoughts on the trails. Deep an important learning?.......Well probably not. Here are some of the observations and what I thought about on the hill. Well used trails that don't get much sun have the most ice and snow on them. High trails have less ice than low trails especially the ones that are wide and pave. They are really icy. Its important to look up from dodging dog poo and rocks to see the sun rise over the prairie. Sometimes not so well used paths get you to better place. On the other hand just going off the trail trying to find a short cut usually just gets you more lost and in more briers. Saskatoons grow the best on the less used path in the direct morning sun. The temperature must be different for me than the Chinese grandma with her toque and hat and dog. I guess when you move fast you need less help to stay warm. Sometimes when you think too much its hard to run. Sometimes when you think a lot its easier.

I figured it out

I have wanted to do this for a probably about 5 years and I have finally figured it out. Its not as hard as it looks. Of course it takes some ab strength but its more about focusing on the right muscles and holding them tight than it it being amazingly strong. Its all about focus. I couldn't find a old lady like me so I chose an old strong guy. Do you think he's cute?

Last night

We had Norm Nelson, our financial advisor, over last night so we could buy RRSP's. ORdinarily the 28th is the deadline. This year is leap year so we were actually a day early. He reminded us that he had come over exactly one year ago. I wonder what I will be doing the day before I die. Last minuting is such a pattern.

I am doing this bibliography - 150 annotations of things that I have read. I of course are including anything that I have every read since there is no way that I can read that many books and articles and write about them between now and June and still live my life. Anyhow, when it has been 8 years since I read this article, I couldn't exactly remember what is said. Its kind of funny to see what I have underlined. It was the right stuff but I know that it just wasn't as meaningful then as it is now. I read it, thought it was great but only now am I seeing the usefulness of the application. I am reading 2 Nephi - the Isaiah stuff. Its still not sinking in but there is no underlines either.

Missing Cleo

Today I couldn't go running - the hill is covered in fluffy snow. Yesterday I cried as I was running, thinking of Cleo. I am missing her again today. I am in my office supposed to be doing my annotated bibliography for the fourth day in a row. This is truly deadly for an extrovert. I have the space heater on so I don't waste heating the whole house. I wish that Cleo was here sharing the time with me. Her company was comforting. There is a part of me that is just non-verbal and kinaesthetic. A need to express feelings without words. Animals have always been a part of and an answer to that need. Cleo was especially good about that. I also shared that closeness with Misty, my pony. She was an amazing personality. So impatient - always in a hurry to get where we were going. She had no ideas of her limitations - her size. She would race anyone and usually win. If I fell off she would stop immediately and give me a dirty look - get on board and lets finish this! I read in one of my endless articles on organizational learning that what sets us apart from animals is our ability to reflect. Don't get me wrong - I think reflecting is great but sometimes I think it gets in the way. Cleo just caught squirrels, birds whatever. Misty raced and won even though she was only 12 hands high. Red, our Arab stallion, opened gates and doors. Thunderhead rounded up cows on his own just for fun. No constraints - just did it - just for fun. Maybe I need to do more of that.

Thanks Mary et al

Wow! Isn't Mary making me look good. The new redesigned look a result of her artistic and techno genius. Its wonderful to be saved by grownup children. Gillian saved me last week. We were working on a tedious and potentially time consuming project - developing assessment questions for job profiles in a succession planning process. I know I have a tendency for theoretical perfection rather than pragmatic realism. I started to get absolutely buried in detail. Jill looked at what I had done and cut right to the chase and we developed a really workable format that fit perfectly within the time frame we were being paid for. Sam's company has created beautiful business cards for my company Capability Connections and is in the process of redesigning the website. If it weren't for the terribly slow client (me) that would have been done. As I enjoy my ipod running and all the cool music on it, I have Greg to thank. Erin is my inspiration as a runner - thanks again for the cool running shirt. Anne is now my model for skiing. She is learning to swoosh turns. Maybe I can too.

Concept redesign

It has been a long time since I have posted. The original purpose of my blog was to do my personal history and connect it with my thoughts. It seemed like an easy thing to do but in the end I never really got to it. I decided when I was running this morning that I need to a way to connect with people and just let people know what is happening to me. I joined Facebook today - got invited by Kathleen Nelson. I did the profile thing and then got stumped on how to post - have a page, all that stuff. The same thing happened with Linked In. I replied to Tagged another networking site when I was requested to be a friend of Vilma Roderigez. Same problem I have no idea how to use these things. So I guess a blog is perfect for my technology disabled self - one way communication.

So what has been happening - running through my head. Well the election in Alberta is one thing. We (andy, anne and I ) actually went to a meet the candidate session - the liberal in our riding. He was really great! Andy is doing some volunteering and I am going to vote liberal instead of my usual ND. Even the conservatives are saying they could lose 10 seats in Calgary and others are saying as many as 18. That would be unbelievable. Its amazing how much like sheep Albertans are - unhappy but still voting the same way. Its like this province really likes dictatorships.

On the personal front. I vacillate back and forth between loving taking this doctorate and being stressed and sick about it. The former happens when I actually get to do some reading and research which was yesterday. The latter feelings happen when I don't. It really is a matter of faith as the spirit told me when I started. Blessings come when I need them. Two of my morman consultant friends just out of the blue gave me things that will be so much help it is unbelievable - one a reference to a software program to manage references/ bibliographies and the other a key book that will be huge in terms of what I want to learn. I just have to keep going and praying and doing what I can do.

On the family front, take a look at this. Two Alenes - 54 years apart