tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50046533516538845882024-03-14T08:25:21.915-07:00connections without capabilityEsther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-70056581437825227652013-10-12T15:28:00.001-07:002013-10-12T15:28:20.751-07:00Women Friends
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Monday I ran where I had not been<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To find the walking route for your visit<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This week has been as many<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Work and worry<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Writing and teaching<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Emptying my pitcher<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Serving and caring<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Listening and attending<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was looking forward to our walk<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday I allow space for me but<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You are sick and so we will walk another week<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most times I don’t mind<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even enjoy <o:p></o:p></span><br />
T<span style="font-family: Calibri;">he time alone with the autumn leaves<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The chilly air and expanse of cars and city<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can think better when moving and sweating<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I am just lonely<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was looking forward to our talk<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of men, children, <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of spiritual things and testimony<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our womanly joys and disappointments<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our personal and tender concerns<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stories of the past and new challenges<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The laughter and tears and of course<o:p></o:p></span><br />
The exercise<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead I write this poem <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sad to miss our time<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Grateful for your friendship and <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Your example<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I learn from you <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How our time energizes and relaxes me<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get well my friend<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-78734365010238827052013-09-12T10:23:00.004-07:002013-09-12T10:23:38.409-07:00Sabbath Running
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There is little guilt about running on Sunday<o:p></o:p></div>
Somehow movement connects to spirit<o:p></o:p><br />
When stillness does not<o:p></o:p><br />
To have inspiration, sweat, ground and sky are needed<o:p></o:p><br />
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Where to run though<o:p></o:p></div>
No longer the short path to the hill<o:p></o:p><br />
With its expanse of prairie, city scape and mountain<o:p></o:p><br />
No tiny flowers to notice on well-worn paths<o:p></o:p><br />
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Will I learn to love the river and<o:p></o:p></div>
Feel the same closeness to energy<o:p></o:p><br />
On paved paths carefully mapped out<o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p> </o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p>Will I find a new love of forest and valley<o:p></o:p><br />
Or need instead to forget the sense of connection<o:p></o:p><br />
To the earth<o:p></o:p><br />
Can I find heaven close in this new landscape<o:p></o:p><br />
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Faith and being present in the moment</div>
Counting blessings not losses<o:p></o:p><br />
Is a daily effort<o:p></o:p><br />
Perhaps soon a habit <o:p></o:p><br />
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Forging new paths <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in
my head and heart<o:p></o:p></div>
While my feet explore new trails<o:p></o:p><br />
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-26111044263960905992013-08-11T15:39:00.000-07:002013-08-11T15:43:56.643-07:00How Hard Can it Be?<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How hard can it be</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To assemble a simple gingerbread house?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I made the pieces myself</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They are crooked and too thick<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can see that looking at other mothers’<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But there is royal icing, <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A trusty popsicle stick for spreading<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Candies for decorating<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It will soon be done<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A simple activity for kindergarten<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How hard can it be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Harder than you think<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Clumsy hands, too heavy walls<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am shaky and confused<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I look around<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All the other houses are standing<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Only my child is feeling the pain of continuous collapse <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> W</span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">hat do I do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am without hope in
my own resources<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My artist friend comes to my rescue<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With skillful, steady hands <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">She places buttress sticks inside<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Invisible but strong enough to keep the walls from falling
in<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is it cheating?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps, but we are saved<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life is good again<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I am that cookie house<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My walls are collapsing<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My strength is buckling<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Under the strain of work and change<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The endless to dos, staying positive<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Laughing, shrugging off the loss,<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The giving away<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The finality of so many things<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you say goodbye to something dear<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A piece of yourself everyday?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The little things and not so little things<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you keep pushing forward<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you say goodbye to your life and your past<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you say goodbye to a brother<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friend and teacher<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always bigger, always strong<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you do that when <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are boxes to pack and trucks to arrange<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you say goodbye to the beloved hill<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With her flowers and sunrises and inspiration<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The peace that renewed my strength so many hard days <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you when carpets and kitchens <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Must be cleaned for new owners<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why, when it makes sense <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do I sob when the men take the piano away?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do I say goodbye to the hours of music<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And testimony and sharing and fun<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How when it was in my life since my beginning <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gone are pictures, lovingly made first quilts<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Costumes and rackets, <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Skis and pots my Father gave me<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Books and articles<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Artifacts of thoughts and past concerns<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All me and my life <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What was once but not now<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My buttress of optimism<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The resolve to do this right<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be strong for others<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is weak today<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where is my artist friend to rescue me<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With just the right support, unseen but strong<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Master of Galilee is close I know<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do I find him?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It turns out he is just a musical prayer away<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thank-you Rob Gardner<o:p></o:p></span>Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-28325968984658053692013-08-11T14:57:00.003-07:002013-08-11T14:57:35.973-07:00Remembering and Testimony
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have for many years been mystified by how people can once
have a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and then supposedly
lose it. People say, “well they must not have had a testimony in the first
place” but I don’t believe that is true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For my own self, I want to be sure that I remain true and faithful to what
I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to be able to weather the
storms of life, the darts of the adversary and my own personal failings and
temptations. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps how our brains work holds something of the answer to
this forgetting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yesterday on CBC on “Quirks
and Quarks” a question was asked about memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The question was whether when we remember something, we are remembering
the original experience or whether we are remembering the remembering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do in fact remember the memory not the
original experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a computer we make
new versions of experience as we remember .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The interesting thing is that the memory is influenced by <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what we are thinking at the time we are in the
remembering process. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The context of how
we are and what we are thinking about when we remember overlays itself on our
memory of the original experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
means that depending on what is happening to us in the current context, our
memory of the past can change or be changed by our current experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In relation to testimony, if we are in a
state of doubt when we think about a spiritual experience in the past, that
memory can be affected by our current doubt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It turns out then that the ability to remember what we know is
a key aspect of maintaining a testimony. Perhaps that is why the Lord uses this
word so frequently in the scriptures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
Mosiah<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>4:30 King Benjamin says “But this
much I can tell you, that if you do not watch yourselves and your thoughts, and
your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue
in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto
the end of your lives, ye must perish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And now, O man, remember, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and perish
not.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when challenges and adversity
come, as they will, it is important to remember, truly remember, what we have
known and experienced that have built our testimony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The purpose of this life is to gain experience and through
wise choices gain wisdom, becoming perfected like our Heavenly Parents. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we are raised in the gospel as I was, we
learn about spiritual practices such as prayer and scripture reading, church attendance
and service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We learn how to do these
things and by both explicit and implicit (i.e. example) teaching <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we have the opportunity to learn the
importance of these spiritual practices. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we grow older, we take
upon ourselves sacred commitments and make promises to the Lord that we have
come to know, in the temple. With integrity, we try our best to keep these
covenants, thinking deeply about gospel principles and giving ourselves to the
service of others. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we gain experience
praying, fasting, not just reading but studying the scriptures, attending years
of church meetings and giving service through hard times, we learn to love and
come to deeper understandings about the gospel of Jesus Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
experience over time develops into a testimony of the truth of individual
principles and of the gospel in its entirety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The more we discipline ourselves with these practices,
the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>more sensitive we become to the Spirit
and more able to discern light and truth<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The more we experience of light and truth the more we are learn from our
experience and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the deeper our testimony
becomes. The more we come to understand our daily need for the love, mercy and
atonement of Jesus Christ. We learn to overlook the failings of others and in
the organization of the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This process that begins in our youth as
simple instruction and rote obedience, as adults has us make choices to
continue this spiritual learning and then to remember what we have
learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can become through this
process wise as to the things of the spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As adults we must continue in this spiritual
discipline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like physical fitness, we
much persevere and continue in this practice to maintain our spiritual strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as physical fitness can be lost, spiritual
sensitivity can also be lost through inattention, through participating in
activities and exposing ourselves to experiences that take our focus from that
which is spiritual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are many and
varied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The temptations are real and
powerful:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>money, career, sex, drugs,
alcohol, feminism, activism and intellectualism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are too many to list and their power is
personal and individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each of us may respond and be tempted to different
degreees but in our world these detractors are constant and pernicious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If the research in how we remember is true, then what we are
choosing to do today in relation to spiritual discipline can in fact have us
forget what we once knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our current
doubt can have us change our past confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This explains how people can begin to tell different stories about their
testimony and about what they once knew. It becomes easier to say that they
never knew it was true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is hard and
painful and has me reflect on what I know and have learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It encourages me to rehearse often in times
of both strength and weakness what my past experiences have meant, what I know
to be true to be sure that I remember and do not lose the spiritual wisdom and
light that I now have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have experienced the direction of the Spirit in both the
mundane i.e. where is the wallet, to the incredibly important i.e. who should I
marry and if and when I should I have a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have felt the comfort in my darkest saddest times that there is
eternal life and those that I love that have departed are yet alive and know
and care for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have felt the
strength that comes from depending on the Lord through hard times, hard
physical and emotional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been able
to do more with this strengthening than I could ever have imagined doing on my
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have seen the transformation that comes in lives and
families when gospel covenants are made and kept. I have seen the pain and
suffering that follows when they are not. I have seen the power, strength and
wisdom that comes to women who have given their lives to gospel and family service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have seen the unselfish softening and
humility that comes to men who have kept the oath and covenant of the priesthood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have felt the joy of repentance and the
sweet forgiveness of the Saviour and know that this is real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am grateful for the heritage of faith and testimony and
church membership at have. I am grateful for the choices that my progenitors
made at great personal sacrifice to join and stay true to this gospel and this church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as they knew that there was a prophet
and the true religion had been restored so do I know that we have a prophet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, in spite of the failings of individuals
and the every changing world context, this is the true religion and only true church.
I am grateful for this knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As my
sisters both said to me on different occasions, I will not allow any person or
experience to have me deny what I know, to sever in any way my association with
this church, its members and to leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
will not let down those who came before me by treating it with lightness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will not disappoint those whose sacrifice
was great, by becoming discouraged with my imperfections or because of any
other trial no matter how great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
what I want to remember and do remember. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-18576335941958550822013-04-08T19:40:00.003-07:002013-04-08T19:40:47.707-07:00
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This week-end was General Conference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In spite of all the busy-ness and stress of
buying and selling houses, it was an opportunity to listen to wise counsel and
reflect on principles of wisdom and truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So many of the talks centred on faith, hope and charity. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was wonderful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The experience reminded me of my idea to put
this Primary children’s song on my blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I love singing this song oftn tears stream down my face as I do. It is a better song than a
poem and unfortunately there is no music with this. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does say very simply, however, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how I feel about the testimony of Jesus Christ
that I have and the covenants and commitments I have made because of this
testimony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was written by Janice Kapp
Perry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h1 style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll Follow Him in Faith<o:p></o:p></span></span></h1>
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Lord has
blessed me with gospel truth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have
learned His ways in my early youth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will share
my light for I know it’s right</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To testify
of Him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Lord has
blessed me with simple faith.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I pray
for help,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He will give
me strength.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will do his
work.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will
gladly serve.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll follow
Him in faith.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Lord has
blessed me to feel His love.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have felt
His promptings and learned to trust.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So in all I
do, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll be
faithful to </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The things I
know are true.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Lord has
blessed me in many ways.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With a thankful
heart</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will sing
His praise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will raise
my voice and proclaim my choice</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To follow
Him in faith.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He has shown
the way, and through all my days,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll follow
Him in faith.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-29424883818230582622013-03-24T20:13:00.000-07:002013-03-24T20:14:51.150-07:00El Paso to Houston<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We are gaining speed </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wait for the second it happens</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The familiar pull, the drag, the weightless lift</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We are up</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The earth expands and shrinks</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can see more and less </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is the world more or less clear</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">From up here?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do I know more about this city</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because I can see it from above?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is the truth in</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sand the cactus or the wind</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The grit and heat of the desert?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Detached I watch the mountains</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ripple against the plain</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The roads winding between endless horizons</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wonder</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who and what is down there?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What is it like to be there?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In that world?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Two feet on that land?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The moment comes when we</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Begin our return to earth</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The engines cut power and </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Measured descent begins</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the clouds we are tossed </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By unseen currents </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Flying blind through the clouds</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Faith and instruments guiding us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suddenly the clouds open</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The world is green</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lush trees and water</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A wet and foggy world</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So far from the dryness of desert</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We straighten ourselves </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">and wait</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anticipate the transition that is l</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">anding</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have arrived <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But not yet home<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-20274232637408840532013-03-17T20:14:00.000-07:002013-03-17T20:19:20.653-07:00HIKING IN THE ARIZONA SUN<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hiking in the sun is </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Less than fun</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it is instructive</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The dangers controlled with</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sleeves, hat, water and sun screen</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Special shoes to keep feet firmly on the trail</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s the length of the challenge</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A marathon of finishing</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I start, hopeful </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Imagining myself an explorer</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A naturalist, a women of the wild</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But soon my mind asks</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How long?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When will it be over?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s not something I admit</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How could I?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hiking is so virtuous </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Environmental<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and healthy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But fun? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>exactly</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Too much vigilance is required </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rocks to trip </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Vicious cactus to scratch and draw blood</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Keep eyes and thoughts down</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the ground</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Focused and concentrating</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For long, very long minutes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is the conversation</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Challenged by single file</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The questions, comments and musings </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">About topography, geology and botony</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The best is the philosophical reflection </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The exploration of the constant metaphors </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">About life</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Taking wrong paths</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not reading the signs</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tempted by less travelled trails</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unmarked by wisdom </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps travelled by fools </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is failing to look up</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fixated on the path</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Too intent on avoiding risk</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To see the beauty of the panorama</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sky, the vista and possibilities</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps losing faith in finishing</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Famished by the load</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dried by the sun </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Exhausted by the climb</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Losing joy in the journey</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wanting only the end</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Finally it does end</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to the parking lot</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the question</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How was it for you?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Did you like it?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the response?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ya it was great!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What trail should we try next?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-44733609733856684032013-02-23T13:18:00.000-08:002013-02-23T13:18:13.211-08:00CHANGE AND TRANSITION
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A lot has changed recently
in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has become clear to me
that these recent changes are in fact a part of something that has been happening
for some time. Change is after all on going in a life and is normal. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
not, however, been truly conscious of what has been a transformational and systemic
change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have viewed events separately but
have not been unable to process these as parts of a whole picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To use a tired but useful metaphor, I have
been in the trees unable to see the forest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This process has
been an emotional one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As one woman in
a critical thinking course observed, it is difficult to understand the meaning
of an experience on an intellectual level before fully experiencing and
describing the impact on an emotional level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Analyzing feeling can be a way into understanding meaning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether this is everyone’s process, it has
been mine and it has not been pleasant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps because of
Christmas or because it is time, I have done a great deal of reflection in the
last month about my feelings and the experiences that have precipitated
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have come to some understanding
of what recent changes have meant to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am now able to analyze and make sense of my experiences in a more helpful
way, helpful at least to me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as Nora
Ephron in “Heart burn” wrote (and I paraphrase) “It is my story and I get to
tell it the way I want.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will frame my
thoughts and make sense of what I am experiencing, in light of theory about
change and transition and also systems dynamics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I teach this theory to people in organizations
to help them make sense of and take action during times of organizational
change. I have found this theory helpful for me to make sense of my personal
change within the context of my family system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">First some
definitions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Change</u> is about what
is happening that is different – the new situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
light of a family, it is about the last child leaving for school, marriages,
grandchildren, and the physical changes that come with aging. When I consider
this concept, these changes have been ongoing. There is always change in our
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as a caterpillar changes to
a butterfly, this change is unstoppable and continuous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are born and we change and die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although change is sometimes dramtic, it most often gradual and cumulative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This “accumulation” can have tipping points where endings are
obvious and intense, like falling over a precipice. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it is clear that the changes in my family
have occurred over a period of almost 14 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Five children have married bringing
new people into the family, spouses and children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have moved away, some very far
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 38 years of children in my house, my
last child has left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have turned 60
and am experiencing a reduction in physical capability. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These events have created a tipping point for
me now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Individual events have
accumulated and have brought me to a precipice. Change can and has created a personal
crisis for me and this has affected those around me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Although change is
normal, there are always losses and there is also the possibility of renewal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is familiar is changed and relationships
are challenged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is helpful to be intentional about
understanding and increasing one’s awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Using theory and language that puts experiences into a broader context
and perspective, possibilities emerge that can help to depersonalize events,
reduce emotion, and encourage learning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is important to understand what has changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is also important to understand the impact
of the change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That brings me to the
next concept, transition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><u><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Transition </span></u><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">is the psychological process that people
grow through as they adjust to their changed situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Transition occurs at different rates for
different people as they make sense of what the change means for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People can move through transition with a
minimum of pain depending on the circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or, the pain can be overwhelming and they can become stuck and fail to
fully adjust to the change at all. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
are three stages that are predictable and standard and these stages begin
paradoxically with endings. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Endings are fraught
with pain and loss and grieving. The second stage is a neutral zone where although
it is clear that there has been an ending, the new beginning which is the last
stage, is not yet clear or able to be accepted. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The final stage is the new beginning where
the renewal occurs and change is fully understood and embraced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Transition, our
adjustment always lags behind the change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The “new beginning” which is the last stage of transition is in fact the
acceptance of the change that has already occurred or been introduced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Depending on a variety of factors resident in
the context of a situation and the person, transition can be more or less
painful and can happen slowly or quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My purpose in writing this is to facilitate the speed of my own
transition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope as well that it may
be helpful for others who may read this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are always
losses associated with change, even when the changes are positive. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These occur and are experienced in the
“ending” stage. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When one marries it is
wonderful, but there are losses of freedom <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and
shifts in personal and individual identity as new roles are explored and adopted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Endings bring grieving responses that are
similar to those experienced when someone dies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The deeper and more personal the
change, i.e. one that affects personal values, beliefs, assumptions and world
view, the greater the loss and the more difficult it is to transition to the
new beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stages of loss
include: <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Denial –
An initial rejection of the change as not possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That won’t happen to me or us…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anger –
This can be directed, misdirected or undirected and is expressed and or turned
inward depending on the personal style.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bargaining
– This included unrealistic attempts to get out of the situation, strike a
deal, make big promises and try to negotiate the change away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anxiety
– Again depending on the style, this is silent or expressed fear, nervousness, or
negativity.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Disorientation
– This can include such behaviours as forgetfulness, losing things, and making
mistakes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Depression
–This is a very frequent and often a long standing reaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can be manifest as fatigue, low energy,
withdrawal, short temper, crying, unwillingness to try anything new, and negativity.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These reactions are
not necessarily sequential but can occur somewhat randomly and in response to
particular events for example, family gatherings, holidays etc. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About endings, transition theory (i.e. William
Bridges) says to expect and accept the signs of grieving because they will
occur. In this three to fourteen year transition I have experienced and
demonstrated all of these reactions, every one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has
been terrible for me on a personal level because these responses are not
consistent with my sense of self and identity or my personal values. These reactions
were and are surprising to myself and others. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have been confusing, disheartening and
destructive to me and my relationships within my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This article and the one that follows is my
exploration of the factors that have made this period of endings just so very
difficult. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The neutral zone is
characterized by anxiety, confusion, ambiguity, frustration, mixed signals, and
anticipation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is important not to
force decisions about how to act or be and to the try to “fix problems” too
quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With significant change there
are a lot of things to figure out and much has to be temporary as the change
and how it will work is figured out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Redefining
it in a positive light, creating temporary systems, strengthening relationships
and being creative are all important. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Transition is easier
when the end is known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When a new house
is purchased or a move is made, there is clarity of what must be different –
new schools, doctors, friends etc. This kind of change can be planned. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are things to be decided and adjusted
to but what is needed is clear and can be managed like a project. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outcomes can be defined, actions planned and there
is a sense of control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
transformational change, the end is not known and therefore the plan of action is
not clear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Transformation cannot
be planned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It must be facilitated as
exploration is required rather than movement to a defined outcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Decisions are often best guesses,
improvisations that work or don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
is a very difficult process in an organization and no easier on a personal
level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am in the midst of
transformational change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The end is not
clear for me and perhaps at my stage of life won’t ever be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how my life will unfold and
there is no “project planning” that can be applied to figure this out. For a
person, like myself, who has always been goal oriented and intentional about
achieving defined outcomes this is particularly challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is challenging for others as behaviour may
be unpredictable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Transformational
change can be supported when it is understood within a larger perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the end is not known, to understand how
to explore and test possibilities the whole map of the present world is
needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One doesn’t know where one is
going to, but it is helpful to know where one is now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This requires
systems thinking. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will use systems
theory to explore and understand this personal transformation by considering
the system in which I live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my case,
because of my value system and life choices, family is of particular importance
both in understanding both my change and my transition.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A system has parts
and the parts have interrelationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
change in one part of a system affects the other parts of the system as it
operates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are forces at work in
these inter-relationships and in system dynamics terms, parts of the system can
experience “ripple effects” as there is change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Change in one part of the system affects the other parts of the system
through these “ripple effects”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a family for example, a marriage affects
everyone in the system, not just the individual marrying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All family relationships are affected. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although some of these “ripple effects” are predictable,
most are not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, behaviours driven
by expectations and values of spouse’s family of origin culture are often
surprising, confusing and challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Individuals within the family often struggle to understand, accept and integrate
these differences in behaviour. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bigger
the change or in this case difference in behaviour, the larger the “waves”
through the system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What activities are engaged in, what food is
eaten, what topics of conversation deemed acceptable, are changes that impact
the entire system and in turn affect both the new and the existing
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because of the
interrelationships between the parts of the system, individuals in a family for
example, all behavior is linked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How one
individual responds affects another, creating a dynamic or driving force.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This dynamic can be both helpful and unhelpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is important to consider is that because
everything is connected, related and constantly impacting other parts of the
system, there can be no blame on any one part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No one person or part is the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If there is a problem it is a system problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any problem has multiple contributing
factors as every part impacts the whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is important to me because, I have frequently felt blamed and increasingly
have felt labeled as a problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is
no individual solution either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Solutions must be considered systemically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A system cannot be “fixed” by “fixing” one
part, the entire system must be considered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Individual change must be mindfully considered as it affects the
system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">From my recent
experiences, I can conclude that I am mostly in the neutral zone although family gatherings may still stimulate an endings response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have fully recognized what has ended and what
it means to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I have now however figured out what replaces what has ended. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both my present and my future are ambiguous. For me everything is up for scrutiny and analysis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am in the process of redesigning my life, what
I do and what I expect from myself and others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is both deep and personal and will undoubtedly have impacts on
others close to me, some more than others. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can hope for but not necessarily expect
support and understanding from others in the system. With mindfulness on my part this too can hopefully be
managed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life’s work has been dedicated to helping
others make sense of their experiences rationally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through increased awareness that theory and
reflection brings I have endeavoured to enable intentional action to improve
life and relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This entry has
provided the framework for my thinking about my personal change. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The subsequent blog entries will explore
issues related more specifically to this transformation and explore and
document what I have and will continue to learn through this process. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<br /></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-28222471288035387092013-02-17T18:14:00.001-08:002013-02-23T09:17:17.682-08:00After the Social<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After the social<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are no rides for me<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps no one thinks of how I came<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alone, without parents<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or maybe it’s that I’m Mormon<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That no one offers<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels like that <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I love to go <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be there with my friends<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Laughing at jokes of farming<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Singing old fashioned songs<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A part of the community<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where I live<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its dark very dark<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Walking home alone<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The gravel lumpy under my feet<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve done this before<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The moon and stars are good for light<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Crickets and my singing for company<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tonight is different<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No moon <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Only clouded stars<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want to be in the light<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Safe in my house<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Warm in my home<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s just a little ways<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A straight road<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No turns, no shady bushes<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For feeding dark imaginings </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just the road I always walk<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tell myself<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now the ditch to cross<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With dark shadows of willow trees and<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The lights of the house<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My reason guides my search <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel the difference that is the path<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Grass , brushing my legs,<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Directs my teetering steps<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Down into the barrow pit <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then up, then down to the ditch<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s darker here<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Black between the bushes<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can see nothing now<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nothing<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How to walk the board over the<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cold unfriendly flow?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not trusting my balance without sight<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel the way across<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Crouching, inching sideways with <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hands and feet grasping the board <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fear intensifying as I imagine <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Falling into the inky abyss that is the ditch<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Petrified<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reach the other side and climb
the bank<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The path, now porch lighted<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lets me run<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Freed with seeing but<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pursued by terrors now released<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I reach the door<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Safe inside <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am breathless from my fear <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stop to gather my self<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Embarrassed by my hurrying<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My loss of faith and courage<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Was is silly to feel that way <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or silly to walk alone in the dark?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not know<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But now<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am grateful for the light<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thankful for its redeeming power<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You are home” my Mother calls<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes,” I reply, “I am home” <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-16680394837235077012013-02-03T17:42:00.000-08:002013-02-03T17:42:40.686-08:00WHAT IS IT?
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What is it about
running in the cold<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That is so wonderful<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean really cold<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Twenty five below
zero cold.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is it dressing head
to toe in wool<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wearing the sweater
that <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Makes me flashy hot
indoors and<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here feels cozy and
smart<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is it the childish
pretend of artic exploring<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Feeling the wind
bite the small sliver of face left naked<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Joyfully watching
the wind whip snow over ice<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps it’s the Icelandic
blood<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Genetic belonging
to the ice and snow<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hating the heat and
sun of summer<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps the wind swept
solitude of the deserted street<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No other runner in
the dark and cold<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Physical and raw
and real<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The wind at my back
carries me down the street<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Around the corner
against the wind<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I fight to keep my
head up<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Determined to persevere
and finish<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An escape from warmth
and ease<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Adversity and struggle<o:p></o:p></span><br />
T<span style="font-family: Calibri;">esting resolve and
courage <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Against the raw strength
of winter<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With wise
preparation triumphant<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A metaphor of life<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lived in just thirty
minutes<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-76413173578287778902013-01-30T09:45:00.003-08:002013-03-04T09:12:34.031-08:00Standing Naked<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Russian hitter</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tall muscled power</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Confident, relaxed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Easy strength<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The intensity of the game over<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just a conversation in the locker room<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uniform cast aside<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unconcerned with the admiration<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">``My autograph?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tight, tired<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything binding<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anxiety inside and out<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can’t wait to rid myself of <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The cover and pretense<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The worry of being something <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Other than what I am<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All off, free, just skin</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alone, my body honest</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Relaxed in my imperfection<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Artifice gone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another time of Light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before you now</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have waited for this</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prepared and hopeful</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All my life, wondering</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How to account</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now there are </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">no words</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am spiritually naked before You</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You see me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Knowing all</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You have always known</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet t</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">here is no judgement </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am perfected in my imperfection <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By Your love and mercy<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Acceptance and grace </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All for me is </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gratitude and peace</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am home</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-86335554046702945942013-01-20T16:27:00.001-08:002013-03-04T09:14:37.310-08:00My One Word Life<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Feed, pet, saddle, ride<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Throw, hit, jump, run <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Straiten, tidy, clean, wash<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pretend, tell, direct, create<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Practice, show, sing, perform<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ponder, pray, fast, covenant<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Read, think, study, wish<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Master, design, contract, speak <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Try, fail, ask, succeed<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dialogue, analyze, advise, facilitate<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Laugh, tease , flirt, be friends<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stroke, caress, kiss, release<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Birth, feed, rock, love<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Teach, play, watch, serve<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like, love, wish, want<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Loan, give, help, coach<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Offend, plead, cry, misunderstand<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Talk, h</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">urt, question, wonder, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Decide,</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> retreat, stop, wait<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Heal, change, grow, leave <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-42351619289990223152013-01-14T20:27:00.000-08:002013-03-04T09:13:27.978-08:00Learning to Swim<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Grown-ups swim in canals</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They are deep and fast <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With swirling white water and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The possibility of undertow </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That can grab and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Spit you out unpredictably</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Into shallow water or endless whirlpool<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only way to get there is in a car </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bare legs sticking to the vinyl</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the back seat </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bumping over the cow path road</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glad big brother said yes</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suffering the teases that are</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Payment for the ride and the lifeguarding</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ditches with drop boxes are for kids</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">T</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">hey’re easy and fun</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just slippery mossy slides to shallow water</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sandy bottoms and warm water pooling by the banks</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hanging on the crossbars</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Body pounded and tossed by the rushing water</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hot sun, best friend and giggly fun </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No danger or need for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> grownup</span> watching<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The canal seems dangerous</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But its not really swimming</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just hold your breath and </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jump in the centre where the current is deep and fast</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A short minute of fun and you’re in the shallow</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nothing to do but scramble up the bank</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dodge thistles and jump in again</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And again and again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can jump beside the white water</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Out of the current</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Into an inky whirlpool</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seems safe treading water</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Floating around and around </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the dark shadow of the canal wall</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Food for mosquitos and leeches<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s all pretend swimming </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The water pushing </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First fast then</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gently slow in the shallow</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Boring and safe </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An illusion of competence and control<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can brave the centre </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Try going against the current</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Waves of bubbles in your face</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fighting to breathe</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Closing your eyes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Using a</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">ll your strength </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stuck then slipping back</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Going nowhere<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you really want to swim</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Y</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">ou have to go to a pool</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Measured strokes and rhythmic breathing</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Making your own waves and bubbles </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Working, figuring how to go the distance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Endless practice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Better to have someone teach you</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Than figure it out on your own</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On your own</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can never get it right</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Going back and forth</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always hard, always slow</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Persevering but never better</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An illusion of strength</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Endlessly caught in a circle of incompetence</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pride and failure </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">S</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">tuck like swimming upstream<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-12310045876778783142012-12-31T10:05:00.000-08:002013-03-04T18:30:37.665-08:00The Trouble With the Prairie <br />
<h1 style="margin: 6pt 0cm 0pt;">
</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The trouble with the prairie is</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You need a horse</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The prairie is high and wide and long</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Steps are too small</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Walking doesn’t <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>work
on the landscape</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is so much to see and you`re stuck in one place</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the wind,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You miss the wind because you`re too short and slow</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On a horse it’s different</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You don`t stay in the same place</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In no time you are on the top side of the hill. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In front a new horizon </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Looking back you see </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where you have been </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the centre</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seeing the world from a new point,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can feel the wind </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whipping your hair, drying your teeth </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its smell mixing with horse sweat and sage</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On a horse you belong. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The endless sky, the dry grass, the blazing sun</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Open space, real and always there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The trouble with transition is </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Moving to a different place</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Doesn`t work when the steps are small </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stuck on the old side of the hill</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With no horizon in front</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can’t be in the centre</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And see it all</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just endless sameness sitting on the edge</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wondering</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where is the wind?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where is the open space?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And for heaven’s sake</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where is my horse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-45570424237568876252012-12-31T10:00:00.001-08:002013-03-04T18:32:08.752-08:00<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">SATURDAY<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Grateful to dog walkers for packed trails</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the skiff of snow that covers the ice</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The panorama stretches out </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The low hanging cloud, the snowy mountains, the foggy sky
scrapers</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">COP lights still on</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Signal hill flashing</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A coyote crosses my path</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Runs then watches me</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Luck has touched my day.</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Excited to circle and climb the hill</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The pink is just starting</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first burning glow sneaking over the expanse of prairie
snow </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The mountains glowing in fuzzy golden pink</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sun a spotlight waking up the houses on the crest of the
hill</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I turn back<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Deep in thought,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Caught by surprise </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Snow sparkles grab me in their dance<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sun has caught me </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its golden orb has lit the sky and the snow and the
mountains and me</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I gasp</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lit up with brightness</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A rush of light and joy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A new day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-67704552243947371242012-12-14T13:52:00.001-08:002013-03-04T18:38:21.212-08:00<br />
<h1 align="left" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: left;">
</h1>
<h1 align="left" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans Unicode;">I am happy that……<o:p></o:p></span></span></h1>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I look and the mirror looks back</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The wrinkles tell me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I`m different</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Walking in the darkness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fresh and strong from the exercise</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sweeps over me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I`m happy that…… </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I played</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Controlling the ball, easily</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hanging in the air, deciding where to hit</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perfectly timed and powerful</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then down, up and back,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Waiting to jump again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quiet together, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just you and me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Grateful you empty me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Your cheek to my skin</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gently to sleep</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Laundry and lunches and laughter</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The work ,the play </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Driving, dancing, drama</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I`m happy that……</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One by one you came</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And stayed a while with me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I worked and built a business,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Working and thinking </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Worrying and dreaming</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sticking to it through the Master’s</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can’t imagine now how</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I kept at it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Expecting <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seems crazy now</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am happy that …….</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did it and still do </span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That night,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first long night together</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Talking laughing, being close</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then the kiss, finally the kiss</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since then </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Passion,
prayers,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being one</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So much, so deep, our love</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll miss you when you go ahead</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But for now </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m happy to be with you <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And most of all<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m happy I found </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Only You know </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything about me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dreams, my cares</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My loves</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Past and present</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always and forever</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I have touched </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What has touched me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Only You know</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What’s coming</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its okay</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel calm and strong</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">W</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">th You</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the dark.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-8408480639951214222012-11-13T17:05:00.001-08:002012-12-31T13:04:05.681-08:00<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">MY TEACHER, MY FRIEND <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Faster faster <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I let you go<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You are in charge
now<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Both of us free<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV80M4pBKBc2efdSmA2ZFdemC3ZbyfKI49MLG7YdKK6lE9GT-hCzQknM6qXfmIEn16ANF1xSkzDg05TJIcUD0TsSJcLNlHGuKaq31hcju9BKjVog6niGgGXRL0N2HH9lwKHUCWdLFjAnga/s1600/File0016.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV80M4pBKBc2efdSmA2ZFdemC3ZbyfKI49MLG7YdKK6lE9GT-hCzQknM6qXfmIEn16ANF1xSkzDg05TJIcUD0TsSJcLNlHGuKaq31hcju9BKjVog6niGgGXRL0N2HH9lwKHUCWdLFjAnga/s320/File0016.bmp" width="224" /></a></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I have to stop<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I pull harder <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Nothing works<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You keep going <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">head tucked tight<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Never slowing <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You won’t be
stopped by me<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I trick you and let
go<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The surprise works,
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You brake, then go,
I trick again <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I grab your mane to
stay on<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Too late, too fast<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I fall in a heap <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You grab a bite of
grass <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">With haughty look<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You say with your
eyes, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">What a waste<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Get up <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Get on<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Let’s go<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Don’t you know who you
are? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">That you shouldn’t try
to win?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">But you always do<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Always in front<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Walking, trotting,
running<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s all the same<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s just you<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Perfectly you<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">No thought no worry<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Just do it<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Just go<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Let’s run<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">November 13, 2012<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-82475880400479429752012-11-13T16:33:00.001-08:002012-11-13T16:36:01.140-08:00<br />
<h1 style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans;">I Remember<o:p></o:p></span></span></h1>
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<h1 style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans; font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></h1>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I remember<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">First a twinge<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Soon full out hand springs <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Inside of me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">You were becoming someone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anxious for space you came out<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">So much to learn now, you and me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I watched you unfold <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Growing, learning changing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I remember<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The walks talks thoughts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The drives the rides the hurrying<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Eating on the run<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Teaching laughing crying worrying <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">And yes, fighting<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">To figure out who you were <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Your place in the world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I stop<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Dry my eyes and wonder<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Do you remember?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So far away for you now t</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">hat time</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So close for me still<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Shadows of a different world, our world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I wish, I wonder, I wait for your call<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Esther Hudson, November 13, 2012<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-57086304726634167442012-10-08T20:01:00.000-07:002012-10-08T20:23:24.110-07:00The Sides of Me<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-i_vSOcYJG35kXzlFpdm160DAh7y2nofz8qF-fh63S-iSF2y8En8ap40h_4SOkQwpezj3d3SjN6grLP1iP1J68A7FcPr_eO9vTPBBKZBw9phcj0YB5PzoyDWg8m1z_HQm61ZLhcPvPsdq/s1600/family+wedding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-i_vSOcYJG35kXzlFpdm160DAh7y2nofz8qF-fh63S-iSF2y8En8ap40h_4SOkQwpezj3d3SjN6grLP1iP1J68A7FcPr_eO9vTPBBKZBw9phcj0YB5PzoyDWg8m1z_HQm61ZLhcPvPsdq/s400/family+wedding.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIVKgtCPjsLT2ApH3m_3Iu83Ib52yxBO2XfS5HW5mogSgzQ6Y_x755-M2HR4l43oztNz-MGaK6dNIZaBbiEeWIwcqYGbg3o9fRVeVg8wi63jYUBuevbZIZumXzPLuBCIyqYgiQypbjJ6Rh/s1600/esther.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIVKgtCPjsLT2ApH3m_3Iu83Ib52yxBO2XfS5HW5mogSgzQ6Y_x755-M2HR4l43oztNz-MGaK6dNIZaBbiEeWIwcqYGbg3o9fRVeVg8wi63jYUBuevbZIZumXzPLuBCIyqYgiQypbjJ6Rh/s320/esther.bmp" width="209" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I mostly grew up in Scandia, a community originally settled
by people from Sweden or Norway. Scandia is a hamlet and today has 46 “dwellings”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many more than when I lived there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a lumber yard, an apiary, a general
store, a school and the grain elevator but pretty much everyone in the
community farmed – mostly mixed farming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">There was little diversity – just religion. The three “established”
religions were Lutheran (Missouri Synod), United Church of Canada and Roman
Catholic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I quickly found that being “Mormon”
was not okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overhearing derogatory
remarks on the party telephone, a best friend who could never “sleep over” and
being challenged by my grade three classmates about my non-attendance at church
all got the message through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being told
not to “fold my arms” during the Lord’s prayer by a grade three teacher who
told me she had gone to the Mormon church and they didn’t do that had me learn
to hide any religious differences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
became adept at avoiding “Mormon” language and terms. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept my activities - Primary, Young Women’s,
summer camp to myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">These experiences did not lessen my testimony and love of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I compared all community
experiences to my church experiences and the community ones always came up lacking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Sunday meetings of our little branch in
Rainer were what were real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt like
home there. Stake Girls Camp was a wonderful time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be surrounded with so many girls who all
spoke the same language and had the same religious experiences was wonderful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I quickly made friend with girls from
Rosemary, Barnwell, Taber and Bow Island. There are women who I still hug and
are excited to see almost 50 years later from those brief summer camping days. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The church continued to be a central part of what I did and
who I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My identify was forged as a
member of the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was what I loved,
what I did and defined what I strived to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had wonderful role models, Arlene Evans in particular, women who were
strong and intelligent and questioning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I saw myself like that and wanted to have what they had, a temple
marriage to a true friend and a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My patriarchal blessing assured me that I was on track with being who
Heavenly Father wanted me to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">When I dated, after several short relationships, I chose the
most religious boy in the school to date.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although he didn’t understand all the doctrine of the church, he was
committed to living a spiritual life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
shared a love of the Saviour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We dated
for several years and I really loved him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I came to realize however that unless he shared my testimony of the
restored church he could never really understand who I was. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was too much a part of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shared
this with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He later investigated the
church and without my knowledge, was baptized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He said it was not because of me, but that the missionaries had taught
him more about the Saviour than he had ever known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believed him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I prayed about whether we should marry,
the answer was clearly no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His parents
would never have accepted me and likely him either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were “Evangelical Free” members, devoted
and his father would not talk to me when I visited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I married and had children and developed a professional
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a lot of problem integrating
the two sides of myself – the life as a Mormon wife and mother and a professional
consultant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was easy to hide my
Mormon self from my professional colleagues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That was just like being in Scandia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was not hard to hide my professional role from people at church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With those that would not understand, I simply
adopted the same behaviours I used with non-members colleagues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want to have to do that
however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to be able to be my
whole self all of the time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I found
people with whom I could share both sides of myself, they were my best, deepest
and dearest friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was fortunate to always
have some of these women in each ward where I lived. I am<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have learned over the years to feel comfortable with both
sides of myself and have learned that I can expect to have varying degrees of
closeness with other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find now
that my best friends are usually those who understand spirituality and who are
interested in exploring ideas. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For my
non Mormon friends that usually means that they are religious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It matters little to me whether other women
are employed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neither does it matter how
old someone is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is really valuing thoughtful
mindful growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I care about that so
much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When that thoughtful mindful
growth includes a commitment to the Saviour within the organization of the
church, there is total comfort and freedom to talk about what matters most to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am most able to be who I really
am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can freely give and receive in the
quest for wisdom and knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Sometimes people and relationships change, prompted by personal
experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That has happened rarely
with friends but it has happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
very painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can also happen with
family members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me it is always fraught
with pain, grief and anguish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am experiencing
it now and there are times that I am overwhelmed with the loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What will I do without the closeness and the
peace that comes with that trust?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel
like a part of me is dying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not
just losing the other person as a friend and confidant, I am also losing myself
and my world is narrowing and becoming smaller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am trying to face the fact that I will have to adopt once more the old
careful behaviours that constrained me for so much of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is confusing and I do not know how to
proceed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t really know how to use
these behaviours with people who I love so deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps because I don’t want to. The scriptures
often talk about experiences that “words cannot express”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand the difficulty and wish I was
more able to express these feelings perhaps even to myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-62623338155656275312010-05-28T07:53:00.000-07:002010-05-28T08:02:44.217-07:00Its May 28!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguPagEa30fn69vDT1upP-ivJtqJ93gXQRLmOi6w9nMNSQqNGVPEE2ZnVoTdcbX3rs9Gnkvj41_F3M8ufkypXmDmXlc61jvO6ICAL29E4SbrzLfGMexBrdwe7k5jnco5ulQKuRdptFKbfUQ/s1600/100_1351.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguPagEa30fn69vDT1upP-ivJtqJ93gXQRLmOi6w9nMNSQqNGVPEE2ZnVoTdcbX3rs9Gnkvj41_F3M8ufkypXmDmXlc61jvO6ICAL29E4SbrzLfGMexBrdwe7k5jnco5ulQKuRdptFKbfUQ/s320/100_1351.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476335872616472178" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwShBpDn4FK7Tz5ZBNU5OCMXcdGl_9Bz5YVoovIHFq6uJqxlAzt7R2vBSdRUUd830iuIZg8xVFJmLtVF2v3fJPLu-T1_xIaflfjVQmL74UUS85Gyu8HPP19atqW7kPm-UQbMytzZrzEy28/s1600/100_1350.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwShBpDn4FK7Tz5ZBNU5OCMXcdGl_9Bz5YVoovIHFq6uJqxlAzt7R2vBSdRUUd830iuIZg8xVFJmLtVF2v3fJPLu-T1_xIaflfjVQmL74UUS85Gyu8HPP19atqW7kPm-UQbMytzZrzEy28/s320/100_1350.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476335682210634130" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsVe420TXPsIdw6fmutpFiHCszl9rjTX0Yxeg45BsJrR5zqiP-OfVN9rx1dBmEER1a30lSpKNRBL_p0V7BaARFqw7ocP-d1gapp5AkV4aLZW-L37EWNJbopUtEwtb3jokLtWminTxkA23o/s1600/100_1349.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsVe420TXPsIdw6fmutpFiHCszl9rjTX0Yxeg45BsJrR5zqiP-OfVN9rx1dBmEER1a30lSpKNRBL_p0V7BaARFqw7ocP-d1gapp5AkV4aLZW-L37EWNJbopUtEwtb3jokLtWminTxkA23o/s320/100_1349.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476335565142860258" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHwbp7S9ZsOshlBPdE96HJtrC4tsYhsP5R_0ie4L0szDO_pJpB-YQVnBGSBeZ4iNs7qjBilwA9br4zhBjiXaynq60ZbPwgpVkYk2sai1NempMUgMNNmhlUV57vyVt_h3s7lsV9iAbenGa/s1600/100_1348.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHwbp7S9ZsOshlBPdE96HJtrC4tsYhsP5R_0ie4L0szDO_pJpB-YQVnBGSBeZ4iNs7qjBilwA9br4zhBjiXaynq60ZbPwgpVkYk2sai1NempMUgMNNmhlUV57vyVt_h3s7lsV9iAbenGa/s320/100_1348.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476335301736032002" /></a><br /><br /><br />Yup! this is what we woke up to today in Edgemont. Of course just down the hill there is no snow. Please note the flowers on the Mayday and crabapple tree. Not sure if you can see the geraniums in our neighbours flowers boxes. Anne thinks Calgary is the pits. And to think that on Tuesday I got hot playing tennis! Apparently it was 40 with humidex in Ottawa on Thursday. Not sure where I'd rather be.Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-25767884168438817242010-05-10T21:20:00.001-07:002010-05-10T21:20:44.977-07:00Memories of PrimaryYesterday at the Stake Relief Society Spring Women’s Conference the Stake Primary President gave a talk about the Articles of Faith and the importance of learning them to help children. Her words brought back wonderful memories of Primary. The first memories I have was of “release time” Primary in grade one in Cardston. I remember holding hands in pairs and walking from the school to the church. It felt like a special outing every week. Singing time was the best! The Chorister taught us “ the Golden Plates” and had the real gold plates there to show us. Of course it was just a homemade replica but I think that I really thought they were genuine. It certainly made an impact on me and I loved that song. “ Tell Me the Stories of Jesus” and “I have Two Little Hands” also made a big impact. It felt so good to be in Primary.<br /><br />When we moved to Lethbridge when I was seven, we were in Third Ward and met in the 10th Ave Chapel. Primary was on Saturday morning and I would sometime ride my bike there. We lived at 1011-32nd street and I am surprised to see how far it was from the church. I remember being a “Co-Pilot” when I was seven and then being a “Top-Pilot” when I turned eight. That was before CTR’s. I can’t think of the justification of those class names. I think Sunbeams is the only name that survived from that time. <br /><br />I was very conscious of preparing for baptism and remember learning about Jesus and the many miracles that he performed. I remember learning the names of his disciples and making a play dough replica of a real Jewish house. I still remember the design – how there were flat roofs where laundry was hung and where people could look down on the street. I had never had home made play dough like that and I was excited when my mother made it from a recipe that the Primary teacher had sent home. It seemed magical to watch the flour, salt and water turn into clay. Making the house was a homework assignment and it was fun watching it turn hard like a real clay house.<br /><br />When we moved to Scandia in the spring of grade 3, my Primary experience was much different. We became members of the Rainier Branch and we met in Alcoma School. There were only about 30 people and I could probably name most of them still. The branch was like a big family. There were only a few young people and so I was so lucky to have a girl my own age, Merle Caldwell. She was the youngest of a big family like me and it was great to go to her house for sleepovers. Her Dad wasn’t a member but her Mom was and it felt like being at home at the Caldwells. I know now that it was likely the Spirit that I felt. <br /><br />The sisters in the Relief Society were all like other mothers. They had strong testimonies and did what was right. They managed and organized everything and took care of each other and everyone else. They all had lots of responsibilities in the Branch and they never turned down callings. When people were sick we all fasted and prayed. I knew that they were special and real and could be depended on. My mother and my sister Marion were like that and for me, being a woman meant being those things – kind, responsible, dependable, and active in Relief Society. Being a member of the church was really important because other people in the community were different. They excluded us from things and my parents, especially my mother who was shy, didn’t have much to do with them. <br /><br />Because we were a branch, our meetings were in a block on Sunday. We had Sacrament meeting, Sunday School and then Priesthood/Relief Society and Primary opening exercises. I remember having to wait after the Primary part of over and having fun running around the halls in the school. It was an old style school. You came in the front doors and if you were a teacher or an adult you went up the front stairs. Boys and girls had separate stair ways that went to the coatrooms and bathrooms. If you had a classroom on the boy’s side you couldn’t go down those stairs, you could only go through a door in the hallway down stairs. <br /><br />I loved Primary music and spent hours practicing the new music that came out as sheet music. We were still using the old turquoise “Children’s Sing” book and the new cool music came out in sheets. Marion was the Primary President and so I got to have all the music. Songs like “I wonder when He comes again” and “When ever I hear the song of a bird” were all new ones. I was the Primary pianist when I was eleven and I remember making so many mistakes because I couldn’t play everything that they would ask for at the last minute. Janice was the pianist in Sacrament Meeting and I was the chorister from the time I was ten. I still have bad habits that I developed from teaching myself how to lead.<br /><br />One of the best experiences I had in Primary was singing in Stake Conference in a Primary Chorus. We learned and sang the Light Divine. I am sure we sang something else too but I can’t remember what it was. I still love that song because it reminds me of that experience. Linda Tanner Layton’s mother Hazel Tanner was the chorister and I will never forget her. She made it so fun and spiritual. Her enthusiasm and amazingly expressive face kept my attention and held me spell bound. I loved Stake Conference because the talks were so interesting. Those were the days of two sessions – morning and afternoon that everyone went to. We would take a lunch and wait the two hours in between to attend the second session. <br /><br />The last three years in Primary the boys were separate from the girls. We were called Lihomas that was short for Little Homemakers. Nine year olds were Gaynotes and our symbol was a musical note. Ten year olds were Firelights and our symbol was ….. you guessed it a fire in a fireplace. Eleven year olds were Merryhands….. and yup symbol was a pair of hands holding the New Testament. Our motto was I will bring the light of the gospel into my home by greeting the day with a song, giving joy to others and by serving gladly. In Gaynotes we learned to do cross stitch and did a sampler of the motto. In Firelights we learned to crochet and I made a lace border around a handkerchief. In Merry Hands we were supposed to learn to knit but my Mom could teach me how to cross stitch and crochet but she didn’t know how to knit. Sister Link taught me how but I didn’t learn very well and still can’t do it. <br /><br />We had a bandlo to put our awards on. A bandlo was a piece of felt (turquoise in colour in this case) that was in the shape of a V that you could hang around your neck. There were requirements of things to learn and when you passed your requirements you got “stuff” to put on your bandlo. There was a pretty round glass picture for each year. There were twelve scriptures to learn each year and for each scripture you got a little rhinestone. There were other requirements that also had glass pictures and rhinestones. I, of course, did all the requirements and I still have my bandlo. I made a cute little pink felt bag for my New Testament and I still have it too. <br /> <br />In our Branch, our Primary lessons were taught by our mothers and of course my mother was my teacher. We never missed our lessons. She would come up to my room and sit on the end of my bed. My room was a gable room that had only enough space to have a dresser and a bed. The closet was so small that the Ella’s and Alice’s would look huge in comparison. I am really grateful for my mother being my teacher. She was shy and didn’t talk about a lot of things, especially personal things like her testimony. In fact I can never remember hearing her bear her testimony. She was not demonstrative or made a big deal out of teaching the gospel. She just lived it really. Being my teacher gave us the opportunity to have teaching moments that we were not likely to have had any other way. She taught me to pray, to use the scriptures and all of the other things about the gospel that you learn in Primary because she was my teacher. She helped me learn scriptures, the Articles of Faith and I got to answer every question. I appreciate her so much for what she did for me. <br /><br />It was very much because of the experiences that I had in the branch in Rainier and later in Vauxhall that gave me a strong testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It is this testimony that I attribute all of my blessing to and the joy that life has brought to me. <br /><br />This is what I found on the internet about the bandlo. I had wanted to post a picture but alas there wasn’t one. I wanted to include it so that I would have a record of it. <br /><br />The bandlos of the 1960s were similar in spirit but somewhat different in design from earlier versions. Of pale green felt, they bore a more modern house near the point. Class symbols appropriate to the new names of classes were awarded at the beginning of each year. Round photographs a little smaller than an American nickle and covered with glass depicted a girl praying (earned when a girl learned to open and close a meeting using an appropriate prayer format and prayer language), a girl reading the New Testament (earned when a girl could meet requirements for locating scripture verses in the New Testament), wheat (symbolizing the Word of Wisdom) and the priesthood monument on Temple Square (representing the priesthood), after the girl met requirements related to those subjects. Plastic numbers 1-4, 5-9, and 10-13 represented memorization of the Articles of Faith. Rows of rhinestones represented attendance at Primary and memorization of scripture verses. Jewels attached to each class symbol indicated the girl had attended Primary at least 40 times during the year. Jewels glued to the windows of the house represented completion of an article of cross stitch, knitting, and crocheting. Jewels descending from the house represented memorization of the books of the New Testament; recitation of facts about the eight men who wrote the books of the New Testament; and recitation of a story in a girl’s own words about someone in the New Testament who “served gladly.” A white plastic scroll symbolized graduation from Primary.Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-51967504510375320942010-04-17T11:56:00.000-07:002010-04-17T12:11:45.806-07:00Crocuses<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisaysm4JtXRN9FfFViPBX-U2uTR6EwyazPrUsqTRpOLjSjNszprfS_BdLf8NGAkWers789ADqdAsouxceXimgXFDKbThQ_D9aaFuDe8S6_5GO0smkwawW4srP3tSU1NADEMJnI-UD4Ampb/s1600/crocuses.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisaysm4JtXRN9FfFViPBX-U2uTR6EwyazPrUsqTRpOLjSjNszprfS_BdLf8NGAkWers789ADqdAsouxceXimgXFDKbThQ_D9aaFuDe8S6_5GO0smkwawW4srP3tSU1NADEMJnI-UD4Ampb/s320/crocuses.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461186186960423298" /></a><br /> <br /> Ahhhhhh! Spring at last has come to Calgary with 19 degree weather. The crocuses are out in full bloom . They are the first of the flowers on the hill of course. Running this morning I realized there is much to learn from the humble crocus.<br />1. Crocuses are the first flowers every spring. Taking the risk and setting the trend can be be scary but rewarding too - less competition and more recognition and appreciation. <br />2. Crocuses seem to love growing together. Hanging together is great. Life is easier when we share the struggles. <br />3. Crocuses grow up through grass but not crazy thick grass. Being tough is great but there is no point it carrying it to extremes. <br />4. Crocuses grow best on the sunniest side of the hill. We all should pay attention to staying in the light.<br />5. Sometimes there are white crocuses in a clump of purple. Even in a family we can afford to be really different from one another.Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-23596118974879208672010-04-04T18:35:00.000-07:002010-04-04T19:03:16.313-07:00Memories of Baby CalvesToday during Brother Nelson’s talk on Family History, I began thinking about a blog and what I could write next. I immediately thought of how much I had enjoyed driving through Montana this week and seeing brand new calves with their mothers. I immediately went and down loaded pictures that I have used in this blog. On my return to listen to more of conference, the next speaker related a story about cows and calves. <br /> <br /> I really think that humans become more attractive as they grow from babyhood. Cattle are quite the opposite. There is nothing more perfectly adorable than a brand new baby calf. Their coat is soft and clean and wonderful to touch. They are playful and curious and just like human babies, they have a lot to learn. Here are some pictures to show how sweet they can be. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9NiTpoFNZRMCTPxe_C5U1SsenyCy6MV0Mjp5vZvrd9DQdjaTPAgiRgS8Eb8UNVSqhcEA7de4gMGXGZR2lMT-YXHzVnDdr9XTqDvZhYZ5YAtSskIYMaE8xRdZ0vDyGBuowDJhmvPJjdhS4/s1600/calf.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 170px; height: 113px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9NiTpoFNZRMCTPxe_C5U1SsenyCy6MV0Mjp5vZvrd9DQdjaTPAgiRgS8Eb8UNVSqhcEA7de4gMGXGZR2lMT-YXHzVnDdr9XTqDvZhYZ5YAtSskIYMaE8xRdZ0vDyGBuowDJhmvPJjdhS4/s200/calf.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456461880375951346" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6YPN1pJ1D2UrF07FSy96yU6AHjCz41ZwHqTGmQU4gTwIqY5iidYeauFqOVgoIjr8aE2TSwo1ezpIcmWMoCxUJ6R62rWO1sucwSdUB3Ndl7zo1DrvTgXixLF3uT8zDGPICBxbrZLkKpHbg/s1600/calf+2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 170px; height: 113px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6YPN1pJ1D2UrF07FSy96yU6AHjCz41ZwHqTGmQU4gTwIqY5iidYeauFqOVgoIjr8aE2TSwo1ezpIcmWMoCxUJ6R62rWO1sucwSdUB3Ndl7zo1DrvTgXixLF3uT8zDGPICBxbrZLkKpHbg/s200/calf+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456462125536722850" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /> When I was eleven years old my parents had 12 milk cows. Janice and I would take turns going out in the field to bring the cows in for milking. We would sometime walk but I mostly remember riding bareback to bring them to the barn. Sometimes the cows would come into the barn on their own, especially if we were late milking them. The cows liked to be milked to relieve the pressure of full udders. A good dairy cow makes much too much milk to feed her calf. If they were to keep their calves, the calves would get sick with scours and die from too much milk. Scours was kind of like really bad diarrhea. <br /> <br /> My mother separated the milk using a cream separator. It was a cool machine that spun the milk around inside a bunch of disks and somehow – magically, the cream came out one spout and the milk the other. Here is a picture. This was a hand one which I remember having but the but the one we used was burgundy coloured and was electric. Mom saved the cream in big buckets in the fridge and sold it in big cans on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The dairy in Brooks bought it and picked it up at the Post Office in Scandia. I have never seen cream to buy like this cream. It was yellow and so thick you could almost slice it. The milk came out fast from the separated and made thick foam. Our barn cats liked to eat the foam. I thought it was like candy to them. <br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSm6BHMOzvdS4iF__NN92UgyCnNj6_VbzX2cbd4w0l-M3kLazArb30INTAI27rRv513Dv-b04Au-wX7uTSypnOmblCzryl6gYcKOetlUPQ4z8TTSGhmgIsFzToIdMcEBskOpxTvrySCpi7/s1600/cream+separator.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 182px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSm6BHMOzvdS4iF__NN92UgyCnNj6_VbzX2cbd4w0l-M3kLazArb30INTAI27rRv513Dv-b04Au-wX7uTSypnOmblCzryl6gYcKOetlUPQ4z8TTSGhmgIsFzToIdMcEBskOpxTvrySCpi7/s200/cream+separator.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456462496464562466" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhuxwihLeF1YCZcvNDNKEi86vVwKcaiSoGzfNplIIKWvpwIjaORHT3lc3DclCgoUJ5HgSBY2Wft5xm-AXnq66b4WmJOZX5cCXCUDuGZvFiazBUXQhyphenhyphent0L9F5B195jqP5rQzifVCO8xRq8b/s1600/cream+cans.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhuxwihLeF1YCZcvNDNKEi86vVwKcaiSoGzfNplIIKWvpwIjaORHT3lc3DclCgoUJ5HgSBY2Wft5xm-AXnq66b4WmJOZX5cCXCUDuGZvFiazBUXQhyphenhyphent0L9F5B195jqP5rQzifVCO8xRq8b/s200/cream+cans.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456462772292611666" /></a><br /><br /> <br /> We bought more calves to feed the extra milk to and so we had to teach the calves how to drink from a bucket. To do this I learned to stand with the calf between my legs and got the calf to suck two of my fingers. Then I would push the calf’s head down into the milk. While still sucking my finger, the calf would drink. Gradually I would take out my fingers. At first the calf would immediately throw its head up looking for my fingers but soon it wouldn’t need fingers and would learn to just drink the milk. The calves never got used to not sucking though. They were like babies and needed to suck. After I fed them I would let them have turns sucking my fingers for a soother. They also would suck each others ears and other parts too yucky to talk about. <br /> <br /> Each of the calves had a name. I especially remember Ferdinand . He was a tall lanky Holstein who was especially smart and friendly. When he grew up and became a very tall, large steer, he still remembered being a calf and recognized my mother. He wanted her to pet him and followed her, much to her chagrin. I can still remember my easily frightened mother walking quickly away, waving her hand behind her and yelling, “Ferdinand, GO AWAY!” Here are some pictures of Holstein calves like the ones I fed on a bucket. <br /> <br /> In the spring, we would also have to round up the cows and calves on the lease (you can see a picture of the lease on our family room wall) and bring them home for branding and castrating. Cows with calves are very frustrating to drive. The calves are little and get tired and soon fall behind, getting lost from their mothers. The cows would then become upset that they didn’t have their calves and would turn around and come back to find them, smelling each stray calf until they found their own. If a calf got frightened by the horse on the lease, and ran away, it was almost impossible to get them back into the herd. They seemed to have no natural herd instinct and would just keep galloping away. The trick was to get them to stop running. <br /> <br /> Our lease was on the west side of the Bow River at Scandia and our farm was about 3 miles away. Part of the way home was along highway 36. The last mile was up a coutry road past a lot of farms and driveways. The first challenge was to get the cows to go onto the bridge. Cows were easier than yearlings. They were like teenagers, with a lot of energy. They were kind of crazy and often just got running, sometimes I thought, just for the fun of it. My Dad would get pretty mad if this happened since they ran off fat and beef on the hoof is sold by the pound. <br /> <br /> I had a cow that had been my special calf. I had gone to an auction with my Dad and bought her for $35. I named her Mitzi. She was a Holstein cow but didn’t give very much milk so she got to keep her calves like the beef cows. She was kind of an adventurer cow and an athlete. She liked to crawl through fences and was all in all a free spirit. She was great to have in the herd however because she knew exactly where to go and was always at the front of the herd. She never worried about her calf. Her calves just had to keep up. As soon as we let the gate open she would head right for the bridge and straight on home. She made all the right turns, never turning into the wrong gate. All the other cows just followed. My Dad sold one of her calves to pay for our wedding - $600.<br /> <br /> Here are some pictures of a roundup that looked very much like our herd of cattle. We had mostly Herefords ( brown with white faces) and a very few Holstein/Hereford crosses that were black with white faces. There are a few other breeds black Angus cattle for example, in this picture. We didn’t have any of those. I am not sure why. <br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCGUT53LgjiMDLx8l9tr2w-770gi6amRuc4vNQeX92JJlXM8pESBfb138niGHCVuVFSQUul7bEGNMGmtCtWB5CfUJN0onPRhNerKjVuh8aQeNXnnTycSOr7p_yQl8qIv4xIq0fC5USvPg0/s1600/cattle+round+up.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCGUT53LgjiMDLx8l9tr2w-770gi6amRuc4vNQeX92JJlXM8pESBfb138niGHCVuVFSQUul7bEGNMGmtCtWB5CfUJN0onPRhNerKjVuh8aQeNXnnTycSOr7p_yQl8qIv4xIq0fC5USvPg0/s320/cattle+round+up.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456463016690778946" /></a>Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-63745767783780547482010-03-24T18:40:00.000-07:002010-03-24T19:27:03.210-07:00WE SEE OURSELVES IN OTHERS ……UNFORTUNATELYI am delivering a nine day leadership course to two groups in an Alberta Municipality. One group is great (read that easy for me to work with). The other group is not. Five of the difficult group were told that they had to come. They are busy and giving up 9 days of working time to learn what you don’t want to know does not make a happy learner. It would be easy to blame the group for my difficulties but it is a more complex than that. <br /> <br /> In the last two years, I have been experiencing a lot of success in the workshops that I do. I get really positive evaluations and people even give me presents thanking me for the difference I have made to them. A sweet woman, a native from Malaysia, took time today to tell me how she has completely changed her thinking because of a two day leadership course she took from me. She understands the culture here now and can now can say with confidence what she needs to say to senior leaders. She realizes that she is important and has a right to share her expertise with others. As a result of feedback like that I feel like I am pretty good at facilitating learning. <br /> <br /> This difficult group is a whole other experience. What I do that works so well for other groups just doesn’t for them. They don’t like open-ended questions, will not discuss anything in a large group and like playing games more than thinking and making applications. So different from me. The last workshop, our 5th day together was arduous for me and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. On the drive home I thought about all the things that I am usually sure about and how with them I am not sure about anything. I thought about how I probably come off as a know it all – like I have all the answers. These people are not interested in my answers and really why should they be? <br /> <br /> I was still in this fairly negative headspace when I arrived at a “leadership” meeting with the Stake President and all the leaders in our ward. I am convinced this man is a ESTJ. He always, and unfortunately can say always, offends me when he speaks in meetings. He is fond of rules and checklists about personal righteousness and uses stories about how people “it” ( pray, serve, teach etc.) the wrong to teach. Anne is quite right when she says that this is poor way of teaching. His questions have right answers and I always feel like he is the parent and I am the child. As a result I feel hostile, distrustful and judged. My spirituality plummets and my testimony is challenged. <br /> <br /> In one of the courses I teach, I have people select behaviours from a list that are hot buttons for them. Then I ask them why these behaviours of others bother them so much. Is it because they offend deeply held values or is it because of a fear of some kind that these behaviour engender? Or, perhaps, is it both. I have determined that the Stake President that bothers me so much does so because his behaviour does offend deeply held values. I don’t think that anyone has the right to tell me or any other adult how to live their life. We are all so different. I also value humility, the openness to learning a great deal. He never sounds as if he has anything to learn. I am know I am intelligent and thoughtful and opinionated. I am an extravert that processes thinking out loud. As a result I am constantly afraid of being perceived as arrogant, thinking that my way is the only way and that I have all the answers. <br /> <br /> I don’t know of anyone who feels about the stake president as I do. I must admit therefore that my perception of his behaviour says way more about me than him. How is it that I turn this around. I don’t like feeling as I do. I go to church to be spiritually fed not drained. The answer of course is to work through my own concerns and focus on my own behaviour. I need to remain aware of how my perception is being shaped by my values and fears while I listen and then try to see him in a different way. Not an easy task to be sure. One that I am not always up for unfortunately.Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5004653351653884588.post-73435173179679795612010-03-05T08:57:00.001-08:002010-03-05T09:12:52.380-08:00Success to the Successful<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiOcrHtcvvEvTAtM95jk8LHGSo8oL1Uhi4SNpmBt6ELlEUSNuuljFJaZeHj8Npy3Aju9xz6lMD_4EGCRVhkhKKW4VCZS_COzCaG51NwYSOpqwRAJ5t9LrkdJUaV6zm_-4D-atsQ4VysH4h/s1600-h/team+back.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiOcrHtcvvEvTAtM95jk8LHGSo8oL1Uhi4SNpmBt6ELlEUSNuuljFJaZeHj8Npy3Aju9xz6lMD_4EGCRVhkhKKW4VCZS_COzCaG51NwYSOpqwRAJ5t9LrkdJUaV6zm_-4D-atsQ4VysH4h/s320/team+back.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445198414901642738" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuViAUYCMN3cMfysd9fK9DoNwKhriejHWTcZkM4rrSzwJ-HY_Ap_u2zBQ6u97QtIYEgTQKyc6cKJ8xom_YbnBWS8HybpfzR43KtQYfTnvlEyMmdEqGycVNzK18v2-x6yS2eIBRQZZVEjK-/s1600-h/three+back.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 245px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuViAUYCMN3cMfysd9fK9DoNwKhriejHWTcZkM4rrSzwJ-HY_Ap_u2zBQ6u97QtIYEgTQKyc6cKJ8xom_YbnBWS8HybpfzR43KtQYfTnvlEyMmdEqGycVNzK18v2-x6yS2eIBRQZZVEjK-/s320/three+back.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445198289242815010" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6iHLaqrUpzOQSTEc0sgp70NzcocLUQMuUVhQmbP1S5bH70AjZIoak1xTDmvb2RekinICrVvSCkch6-GBimOLAr_IqtIi-OTEyo6Tm3_9N59iBDHCSQPtQmoozy9DXAhQrcX4m48jZT34T/s1600-h/shot.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6iHLaqrUpzOQSTEc0sgp70NzcocLUQMuUVhQmbP1S5bH70AjZIoak1xTDmvb2RekinICrVvSCkch6-GBimOLAr_IqtIi-OTEyo6Tm3_9N59iBDHCSQPtQmoozy9DXAhQrcX4m48jZT34T/s320/shot.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445197537027744146" /></a><br />I teach Systems Thinking. This course uses the pragmatic approach developed by Marilyn Herasymowych and Henry Senko to Peter Senge’s seminal theory found in the “Fifth Discipline”. This particular approach to formerly incomprehensible theory, enables anyone to use 10 system archetypes to understand complex patterns of behaviour in systems of any size. The world is a system, organizations are systems, groups are systems and we, as individuals are systems. Working with these concepts over the last ten years has heightened my awareness of repeating patterns of dysfunction. This is not always a good thing since I am prone more to analysis than action in most situations where I perceive little influence. I rarely take action on situations that should and could change. This blog is about high school basketball. <br /> <br /> One of the most common and easily recognized archetype in systems thinking is “Success to the Successful”. In this pattern, an individual, group or organization is identified as having great potential. This high potential target is given access to resources that enable them to reach their assigned potential. They are given these resources because of course it “makes sense”. It is a “wise investment”. They are “talented” and the return on investment will be high. For people or groups in organizations this means that “high potential” individuals or groups are given more money, training, visibility and performance opportunities. And not surprisingly, they become even more successful. Others who are not deemed successful in the beginning do not have the same access to the resources and again not too surprisingly, do not become more successful. In fact, they often become less successful or poor performers.<br /><br />I don’t think it is my knowledge of this archetype is to blame for my perception that this is one of the most powerful dysfunctions in our society. Children born in poverty become poor students eventually dropping out, become unemployed adults and often homeless. It is a cycle of poverty. Others born with money and advantage go to good schools, marry well, acquire great jobs and too often pat themselves on the back attributing their success to their own effort and determination. This archetype is in fact the reason I am a socialist and why I believe that Mormons among all people should be… “Unto whom much is given much is required” (D&C 82:3) “Are we not all beggars”(Mosiah 4:19) “ the poor have ye always” ( Mark 14:7, Luke 12:48). “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them” (Moses 7:18).<br /><br />Organized sports seems to be a haven for this archetype. There were only a couple of blacks on Canada’s winter Olympic team because winter sports more than others are expensive and socio economically there are not as many rich blacks in Canada. We won a lot of medals because Canada funneled a lot of money into our athletes over the last 4 years. It was great to share the success of these dedicated, perhaps obsessive people. I only experienced the positive results of this archetype in the Winter Olympics – i.e national pride, excitement etc. <br /><br />High school basketball however does touch me and the application of this archetype is driving me crazy. Both the junior team and senior team coaches are caught in this negative pattern. The coaches have chosen their “best players”. These girls have more game time, and hence more experience and opportunities for feedback and learning. No surprise that their skills have increased and they score a lot of points. This “A” team can make a lot of mistakes and stay on the floor. Members of the “B” team can make only one mistake and are instantly subbed. These girls who are not as good, play less and remain of course, not as skillful. The coaches would say that this is a competitive level of play and that they are playing to win. I think this is a fallacy, that is compromising both team effectiveness and is hurting young women at a critical time of their lives. <br /><br />The problem is that the “winners” continue to play when there is no possibility of losing i.e. the team is winning by 20 or 30 points. This pattern is unjustifiable and has the impact of lowering the capability and winning potential of the entire team. As a wise and successful coach said to me years ago, “a team is only as strong as its weakest member”, this “Success to the Successful” pattern works against team capability and potential. By creating winners and losers ON a team, the potential and capacity of the team is compromised. A team using this strategy will always lose to a team that has 3 strong lines not just one. Raymond’s senior girls team last year was a case in point. There were no weak players. Every line was unbelievably well conditioned, expert and high scoring and that team won the provincials. <br /><br />What is more upsetting to me is to see the impact of this archetype on individual girls. I watched a girl who has never been a star, be a star for a month or so when she was chosen to be a “starter”. She had never played so well. Now for some reason, she has fallen from grace and her floor time is greatly reduced. This fall from grace was a gradual but a predictable downward spiral. Now when, she plays, it is frequently poorly and she is too often immediately removed when she makes a mistake. This is especially true if the score is close. It is obvious that her confidence has been compromised and her performance has decreased. <br />Anne and I have talked about this problem. Her strategy is to focus on believing that she is one of the best player every time she is on the floor. Without knowing it, she is using the reverse archetype or the positive manifestation of “Success to the Successful”, entitled “Strut Your Stuff”. This archetype leads us to be clear about our own particular strengths and abilities and has us look for opportunities to communicate and capitalize on these strengths.<br /><br />I am sad that I will not be able to see the finals. Anne’s team will be playing Andrews team in the quarter finals. Andrew works on the “Strut Your Stuff” coaching philosophy and analyzes what every girl is best at. He develops team and coaching strategies based upon these strengths. His girls have much less experience and training than Anne’s team. What will happen? Who will win? Who will have increased their capability the most? For our family, Monday’s game will be both win/win ( one team will progress) and lose/lose ( one won’t) whatever the result will be. Anne only wishes that Andrew was her coach.Esther Alenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11515650919398505199noreply@blogger.com4