After the Social

After the social

There are no rides for me
Perhaps no one thinks of how I came
Alone, without parents
Or maybe it’s that I’m Mormon
That no one offers
 It feels like that

I love to go

To be there with my friends
Laughing at jokes of farming
Singing old fashioned songs
A part of the community
Where I live

 Its dark very dark

Walking home alone
The gravel lumpy under my feet
I’ve done this before
The moon and stars are good for light
Crickets and my singing for company

Tonight is different

No moon
Only clouded stars
I want to be in the light
Safe in my house
Warm in my home

It’s just a little ways

A straight road
No turns, no shady bushes
For feeding dark imaginings 
Just the road I always walk
I tell myself
                       
Now the ditch to cross
With dark shadows of willow trees and
The lights of the house
My reason guides my search
I feel the difference that is the path
Grass , brushing my legs,
Directs my teetering steps
Down into the barrow pit
Then up, then down to the ditch

 It’s darker here

Black between the bushes
I can see nothing now
Nothing
How to walk the board over the
Cold unfriendly flow?
Not trusting my balance without sight
I feel the way across
Crouching, inching sideways with
Hands and feet grasping the board
Fear intensifying as I imagine
Falling into the inky abyss that is the ditch

Petrified

 I reach the other side and climb the bank
The path, now porch lighted
 Lets me run
Freed with seeing but
Pursued by terrors now released
I reach the door
Safe inside
I am breathless from my fear

 I stop to gather my self
Embarrassed by my hurrying
My loss of faith and courage
Was is silly to feel that way
Or silly to walk alone in the dark?
I do not know
But now
I am grateful for the light
Thankful for its redeeming power
 “You are home” my Mother calls
“Yes,” I reply, “I am home”