Learning to Swim

Grown-ups swim in canals
They are deep and fast  
With swirling white water and
The possibility of undertow
That can grab and
Spit you out unpredictably
Into shallow water or endless whirlpool

The only way to get there is in a car
Bare legs sticking to the vinyl
In the back seat
Bumping over the cow path road
Glad big brother said yes
Suffering the teases that are
Payment for the ride and the lifeguarding

Ditches with drop boxes are for kids
They’re easy and fun
Just slippery mossy slides to shallow water
Sandy bottoms and warm water pooling by the banks
Hanging on the crossbars
Body pounded and tossed by the rushing water
Hot sun, best friend and giggly fun
No danger or need for grownup watching

The canal seems dangerous

But  its not really swimming
Just hold your breath and
Jump in the centre where the current is deep and fast
A short minute of fun and you’re in the shallow
Nothing to do but scramble up the bank
Dodge thistles and jump in again
And again and again

You can jump beside the white water

Out of the current
Into an inky whirlpool
Seems safe treading water
Floating around and around
In the dark shadow of the canal wall
Food for mosquitos and leeches

It’s all pretend swimming

The water pushing
First fast then
Gently slow in the shallow
Boring and safe
An illusion of competence and control

You can brave the centre

Try going against the current
Waves of bubbles in your face
Fighting to breathe
Closing your eyes
Using all your strength
Stuck then slipping back
Going nowhere

If you really want to swim
You have to go to a pool

Measured strokes and rhythmic breathing
Making your own waves and bubbles
Working, figuring how to go the distance
Endless practice

Better to have someone teach you

Than figure it out on your own
On your own
You can never get it right
Going back and forth
Always hard, always slow
Persevering but never better
An illusion of strength
Endlessly caught in a circle of incompetence
Pride and failure
Stuck like swimming upstream