WHAT IS IT?

What is it about running in the cold

That is so wonderful
I mean really cold
Twenty five below zero cold.
Is it dressing head to toe in wool
Wearing the sweater that
Makes me flashy hot indoors and
Here feels cozy and smart
Is it the childish pretend of artic exploring
Feeling the wind bite the small sliver of face left naked
Joyfully watching the wind whip snow over ice
Perhaps it’s the Icelandic blood
Genetic belonging to the ice and snow
Hating the heat and sun of summer
Perhaps the wind swept solitude of the deserted street
No other runner in the dark and cold
Physical and raw and real
The wind at my back carries me down the street
Around the corner against the wind
I fight to keep my head up
Determined to persevere and finish
An escape from warmth and ease
Adversity and struggle
Testing resolve and courage
Against the raw strength of winter
With wise preparation triumphant
A metaphor of life
Lived in just thirty minutes

 

Standing Naked

The Russian hitter
Tall muscled power
Confident, relaxed

Easy strength
The intensity of the game over
Just a conversation in the locker room
 Uniform cast aside
Unconcerned with the admiration
``My autograph?
Of course”

Tight, tired

Everything binding
Anxiety inside and out
Can’t wait to rid myself of
The cover and pretense
The worry of being something
Other than what I am
All off, free, just skin
Alone, my body honest
Relaxed in my imperfection
Artifice gone

Another time of Light

Before you now
I have waited for this
Prepared and hopeful
All my life, wondering
How to account
Now there are no words
I am spiritually naked before You
You see me
Knowing all
You have always known
And yet there is no judgement 
I am perfected in my imperfection
By Your love and mercy
Acceptance and grace
All for me is

Gratitude and peace
I am home
 

My One Word Life

Feed, pet, saddle, ride

Throw, hit, jump, run
Straiten, tidy, clean, wash
Pretend, tell, direct, create
Practice, show, sing, perform
Ponder, pray, fast, covenant
Read, think, study, wish
Master, design, contract, speak
Try, fail, ask, succeed
Dialogue, analyze, advise, facilitate
Laugh, tease , flirt, be friends
Stroke, caress, kiss, release
Birth, feed, rock, love
Teach, play, watch, serve
Like, love, wish, want
Loan, give, help, coach
Offend, plead, cry, misunderstand
Talk, hurt, question, wonder,
Decide, retreat, stop, wait
Heal, change, grow, leave

 

Learning to Swim

Grown-ups swim in canals
They are deep and fast  
With swirling white water and
The possibility of undertow
That can grab and
Spit you out unpredictably
Into shallow water or endless whirlpool

The only way to get there is in a car
Bare legs sticking to the vinyl
In the back seat
Bumping over the cow path road
Glad big brother said yes
Suffering the teases that are
Payment for the ride and the lifeguarding

Ditches with drop boxes are for kids
They’re easy and fun
Just slippery mossy slides to shallow water
Sandy bottoms and warm water pooling by the banks
Hanging on the crossbars
Body pounded and tossed by the rushing water
Hot sun, best friend and giggly fun
No danger or need for grownup watching

The canal seems dangerous

But  its not really swimming
Just hold your breath and
Jump in the centre where the current is deep and fast
A short minute of fun and you’re in the shallow
Nothing to do but scramble up the bank
Dodge thistles and jump in again
And again and again

You can jump beside the white water

Out of the current
Into an inky whirlpool
Seems safe treading water
Floating around and around
In the dark shadow of the canal wall
Food for mosquitos and leeches

It’s all pretend swimming

The water pushing
First fast then
Gently slow in the shallow
Boring and safe
An illusion of competence and control

You can brave the centre

Try going against the current
Waves of bubbles in your face
Fighting to breathe
Closing your eyes
Using all your strength
Stuck then slipping back
Going nowhere

If you really want to swim
You have to go to a pool

Measured strokes and rhythmic breathing
Making your own waves and bubbles
Working, figuring how to go the distance
Endless practice

Better to have someone teach you

Than figure it out on your own
On your own
You can never get it right
Going back and forth
Always hard, always slow
Persevering but never better
An illusion of strength
Endlessly caught in a circle of incompetence
Pride and failure
Stuck like swimming upstream

The Trouble With the Prairie

The trouble with the prairie is

You need a horse

The prairie is high and wide and long

Steps are too small

Walking doesn’t  work on the landscape

There is so much to see and you`re stuck in one place

And the wind,

You miss the wind because you`re too short and slow

 

On a horse it’s different

You don`t stay in the same place

In no time you are on the top side of the hill.

In front a new horizon

Looking back you see

Where you have been

In the centre

Seeing the world from a new point,

You can feel the wind

Whipping your hair, drying your teeth

Its smell mixing with horse sweat and sage

On a horse you belong.

The endless sky, the dry grass, the blazing sun

Open space, real and always there.

 

The trouble with transition is

Moving to a different place

Doesn`t work when the steps are small

Stuck on the old side of the hill

With no horizon in front

You can’t be in the centre

And see it all

Just endless sameness sitting on the edge

Wondering

Where is the wind?

Where is the open space?

And for heaven’s sake

Where is my horse?

SATURDAY

Grateful to dog walkers for packed trails

And the skiff of snow that covers the ice 

The panorama stretches out

The low hanging cloud, the snowy mountains, the foggy sky scrapers

COP lights still on

Signal hill flashing

A coyote crosses my path

Runs then watches me

Luck has touched my day. 

Excited to circle and climb the hill

The pink is just starting

The first burning glow sneaking over the expanse of prairie snow

The mountains glowing in fuzzy golden pink

The sun a spotlight waking up the houses on the crest of the hill
I turn back

 Deep in thought,

Caught by surprise

Snow sparkles grab me in their dance 

The sun has caught me

Its golden orb has lit the sky and the snow and the mountains and me 

I gasp

Lit up with brightness

A rush of light and joy

A new day

I am happy that……

 

I look and the mirror looks back
The wrinkles tell me
I`m different
Walking in the darkness
Fresh and strong from the exercise
 It sweeps over me

I`m happy that……
I played

Controlling the ball, easily
Hanging in the air, deciding where to hit
Perfectly timed and powerful
Then down, up and back,
Waiting to jump again

Quiet together,
Just you and me
Grateful you empty me
Your cheek to my skin
Gently to sleep
Then

Laundry and lunches and laughter

The work ,the play
Driving, dancing, drama
I`m happy that……
One by one you came
And stayed a while with me

 

I worked and built a business,
Working and thinking
Worrying and dreaming
Sticking to it through the Master’s
Can’t imagine now how
I kept at it
Expecting  I could
Seems crazy now
I am happy that …….
I did it and still do

 

That night,
The first long night together
Talking laughing, being close
And then the kiss, finally the kiss
Since then
Passion, prayers,
Being one
So much, so deep, our love
I’ll miss you when you go ahead
But for now
I’m happy to be with you

 And most of all
I’m happy I found

You
Only You know
Everything about me
My dreams, my cares
My loves
Past and present
Always and forever
What I have touched
What has touched me

And
Only You know
What’s coming
Its okay
I feel calm and strong
Wth You
In the dark.